I know I promised to be a BB user forever and I know I love pressing buttons (to death, might I add) but the whole idea of being able to take really pretty pictures and the fun games app I can play with hottie kaur, like scramble, which I am incredibly good at, is just too captivating. Shall get this as my next phone, fingers crossed that it will be soon haha. Feeling rather ashamed to be peer/society pressurized into getting an iphone, but till then, the love story I have with the Blackberry ensues. 

Oh and another reason, I know this is besides the point but there are few nice, NONE ACTUALLY, pretty cases for blackberries. I can just imagine the mirage of choices I have with an iphone. Super major excites!!! ☺ ☺ ☺

Have no idea as to why I am actually justifying the reasons behind my wanting of an iphone. Perhaps maybe it makes me feel less of a Blackberry traitor. 

-

Well then, they ask again, 'What does air feel like?' 

And we have to think about this. Air feels like air, we say, and the fishes laugh mirthlessly. 

'Think!' they say. 'Think,'they say, now gentler. 

And we think and we guess that air feels like hair, thousands of hair, swaying ever so slightly in breezes microscopic. The fishes laugh again.

'Do better, think harder,' they say.

It feels like blood, we say, and they say, 'No, no, now you're getting colder.'

The air is like being wanted, we say, and they nod approvingly. 

'The air is like being pushed and pulled and yanked, punched and slapped and misunderstood and loved,'  we say, and the fishes sigh and touch our forearm sympathetically.

There are days when my heart feels weary and the past 2 days have been that way. Heavy hearted and emotionally pretty exhausted. You are perfect, but is there such a thing as too perfect? Maybe it is because I just don't understand why you choose to do certain things the way you do but I know I have to trust and I think that is what I will do. Okay, yes I will trust, and yes all will be good again.

-

Sometimes it just hurts and I don't know why it does. 

I am no longer a teenager.
Can you sense the absolute horror in that above statement!!!

Turning 20 didn't seem to have much of a significance but it was definitely one sure of an emotional roller coaster. Had just about the worst day in all living history and possibly, actually, most definitely the worst birthday ever but even then I am still rather glad that it eventually turned out the way it did. Over the course of the past few hours I have wondered whether there was actually a better time for all of it to have been said. But regardless I think I am thankful that the doubts have been cleared and that the day is just about over. Would never have imagined my 20th birthday to be the way it was. Maybe next year, I should just go overseas and not even bother. But then again, mummy will never let that happen haha. 

A few things though is that I am really blessed to have such good friends. Friends that care and do so much for me. Thank you Vonnie, Kaur, K, LY, Qiu for today. Without you guys my life/birthday would be so different and regardless of anything I am glad that things were the way it was today. Especially so for the SMU kids who were having exams. It makes me feel so loved knowing that despite the hectic exam schedules, you guys still have time for me <3 And, of course to you, thank you for having done so much to make this day special <3

Baked cookies! (: 

Frosted them for Vic, Kaur, Low Lili, Vonnie and K <3

But I think my frosting needs alot more work hahaha.

K fetched me from home, talked to mummy and we left for esplanade/city hall haha. Had dinner at Al Dente and while the food wasn't the best we had, the company definitely was and the night left me feeling really blessed <3

Love love love this song (: 

And I guess that sort of serves as a reminder to myself. Sometimes I get worried that this is just too good to be true but then I do a double take and really appreciate all that I have and think that perhaps, just perhaps this is actually how things are supposed to be. Uncomplicated, genuine, honest, a little trying because of some differences but ultimately very worthwhile. 

Dear God, I want to do this the right way and sometimes I may not really know how that works but I'll try. I really do want to be as God honoring as possible but sometimes I am just unclear. And does it mean that because of how protective my parents are therefore I get to do things sort of my way while ensuring that I maintain the right discipline?

Life has been pretty laid back haha. Worked for a couple of days at some events organising company calling people to get their RSVP for some event at MBS. It was interesting when people actually picked up their phones haha. On a side note, singaporeans are actually pretty polite people. The parents do not want me working anymore so I am supposed to upgrade myself extensively. Microsoft specialist workshops, driving ( which my friends apparently FAIL to have any form of faith that I will indeed be a very calm driver), French Cooking, Baking and some language course. Oh and daddy got his friend to take me out canoeing!! Can't wait (: (: And, I guess I definitely do want to go on missions before uni starts. 

Okay guys I am kinda freaking out. Results are coming out on 2nd March. Need to do well, need to get into SMU. Never wanted something this much before. Will trust and have faith. Yes I will. 

Till the next time lovers. XX

6:59 am

I've been told

that people in the army

do more by 07:00 am

than I do

in an entire day

But if I wake 

at 6:59am

and turn to you

and trace the outline of your lips 

with mine

I will have done enough

and killed noone 

in the process.

-Shane Koyczan