The past 2 days haven't exactly been all that smooth sailing for me, especially with hordes of emotions hurling back at me. You know sometimes I really just wish I could delete all of it. Yesterday was a really horrid day for me :/

But then again, when I see how far I've came I know I have to thank God for it. So I guess I won't be living in the past (:

Baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and cheesecakee! :D I think they were yummy! Hahahaha.

Baking banana cake next. That is when I find the time (:

I've pretty alot to say but my mind's still kinda confused, so let me do the throw my thoughts out thing again:

1. I think class picture was ruined by me
2. Individual shot went pretty well
3. I slept for 12 hours last night
4. I feel like going to be now
5. I've cell in about 2 hours.
6. I'm skipping class dinner for this :(
7. I miss yvonne, sak, shernice,
8. Thank God for technology
9. I need to stop sounding so nasal
10. I thank God for helping me overcome my feelings of sadness. And the fear I faced today.
11. Where are the mouths of the prawns?
12.  Israel or Korea?
13. I want to be genuinely happy (:
14. TAN PLEASE TYVM.

If you pray to God and ask him for good weather, does that mean that by having a wet weather plan, it would mean that your faith has dipped? Is there anything wrong with wanting to be prepared, or is that counting on your own strength? Azaac was talking about how if you pray to God to not let it rain, you don't bring an umbrella out with you. And even though it made perfect sense, it is pretty hard to understand the logic behind it because didn't the bible say that he would help those who help themselves, and isn't helping ourselves, being prepared for the inevitable all the time? I'm confused!

Dear Lord, 

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy
With the baby in the backseat

Fifty miles to go and she was running low
On faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning
On a thin black sheet of glass

She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder

And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat
Sleeping like a rock

And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life

I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh Jesus, take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go

So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, ooh

Have been hanging out with Caile and Amanda way too much. Haha. But all's been really fun (: Bought a really pretty dress yesterday when we were just randomly walking around tampines pretty late at night haha. Got a treat today from Caile cos he lost the bet yesterday yayayayay. Haha. OH AND BURLESQUE WAS SO AMAZING. Oh minus the fact that there was barely much cloth throughout the whole show :/

Picnic at ECP with the twit, chloe and sx yesterday proved to be much of a flop mainly because of the incredibly wonderful weather our little sunny island has been having.

Dinner was good today. Sashimi salad with avocado and yuzu sorbet. YUMMM :D

My thoughts are so messed up which kinda explains my non chronological order of incidents happening so please excuse me. HAHA.

I'm really thankful for the twit! (: And the phang sisters too (YOU KNOW JUST FOR SUTING TO SEE SINCE LIKE MY BLOG'S MORE INTERESTING THAN HER SCH NOTES. HAHA)

I'm really thankful for the whole lot of them from tlbc (: REALLY.

I felt terrible today. I need God's strength.

I felt really happy last night (:

I want to feel brilliant tomorrow.

I think I need some cheering up.

I have to think about my ministry.

I have to get my priorities right.

OMG I'm so incredibly full :(

I need to know I've done the right thing.

I'm waiting for answers. From God. From people.

I feel incredibly self centred seeing so many 'I's in this post.


OH AND I BOUGHT THE FALL AND RISE OF A GREAT POWER - CHINA TODAYYY!!!

THINGS I WANT TO DO:
1. GYM at least twice a week
2. Run long d thrice a week.
3. FIND A JOB
4. TALK TO CAROLINE
5. TALK TO LEE SI
6. P**E D***ING
7. PRAWNING
8. MUSEUM HOPPING
9. LEARN PHOTOGRAPHY
10. CHINA MISSION TRIP.

I know its so uncool to blog twice in a day but I just have so many thoughts, and its the first day I'm back home so early so I need to pen them down before I forget :D Which to my dear friends isn't at all surprising (:

THIS IS THE ONLY PICTURE I LOOK DECENTLY NICE HERE. I'M SO INTENSELY SAD ALRIGHT. I LOOK UTTERLY AND INCREDIBLY HORRENDOUS IN TODAY'S PICTURES. WORSE STILL WITH MAURICE PRO CAM. OHMY. PLEASE SAVE ME SOMEBODY. WHERE ARE MY PRETTY PICTURES.

But anyway! THAT ASIDE. Haha, today was really awesome. Lotsa fun and getting to know people better. I guess mummy's right, older people are definitely more intelligent and interesting to talk to (: Best fun I had in agesss! :D Its really nice talking to people with the same interests!

The most important highlight of the day however, was during morning worship when the older people prayed for the younger ones, meaning to say the jc people! This woman told me three things. And honestly I'm pretty confused by it. The first thing she told me was to be bold with the people around me, especially my family members, which struck a chord within me in light of what had happened the night before :/ Then she went on, telling me that God wanted me to build cells, which really confused me because I thought my calling wasn't for cell ministry. I thought my calling was for missions, prayer and that kind of stuff. The last thing she mentioned really threw me off balance. She prayed and told me that God wanted me to know that I would meet the right one and when I did, I would know it. The thing about this is that after having gotten so hurt by the last relationship, dating per say hasn't actually been on my mind. The thought of having to let a guy into my heart, making myself vulnerable and able to get hurt simply scares me. Having to hear this from  her really jolted me and I guess I was just to surprise, but nonetheless thankful of God's timely reminder. What really shocked me was that I am way too young to get married but yet God had led her to telling me such a thing. I don't know what to say, but I am really thankful God has answered my questions. Really thankful.

Today was basically magical, bonding with people who understood the difficulties in dealing with certain situations, appreciating art and history. I mean honestly, its been such a long time since I actually was able to hold such real conversations with no ulterior motives with a guy. And honestly, I appreciate that alot more. I mean senseless conversations are definitely fun, but too much of that bores me. I mean I'm not stimulated intellectually/mentally.

I can see that God's presence is really alive in me now. I feel that everything I do/say is centered more on more on Christ. For once, after 2 years, I feel as if I'm genuinely drawing closer to him, waiting in his presence, hungering for his word, understanding how all these can be applied to real life. I'm thankful mummy 'forced' me to enter bible school because I can honestly feel myself becoming a stronger and better person.

It scares me to see myself blogging so much about God and all. Its not that I don't want to talk about him. But I'm not perfect, I make mistakes and I'm afraid people will judge me because of that. I really don't want to be the kind of Christian where I talk so much about how wonderful God is, but I don't let it shine through my actions. Its just a great deal of responsibility. And perhaps recognizing that it is that a big deal would mean that I would be more careful with my actions.

PULLING OUT TEETH TOMORROW. PLEASE SAVE ME. IT HURTS.

Finally met Vic at Frankel Ave's Cedele! <3 Haha. Had a really awesome talk and yes dear, I'm glad we emerge as stronger and better people. I'm really proud of how we handled whatever we were going through (:

I have pretty much quite alot to say but I'm so terribly tired and I need to rest very soon so I'm just saying a really quick one. 'Its the cracks in your lives, that allows God to shine through.'

Love you all <3

Church was different today! Not so much of the hard core bible references that I've pretty much came to relish because of bible school but more of the real life anecdotes to illustrate love and its neighbours. Forgiveness spoke to me really strongly, I guess largely because of all the hurt I've been through/am going through, but God confirmed the epiphany I received ytd. Forgiveness is a decison you make but it is after all still a process. I liked the analogy of the antiseptic cream, and yes it really does speak to me (:

Met the friends at marche, IMY all! <3 Great time of catching up. While waiting for the parentals (love them!) to fetch me, I ended up shoppingg! :D Ended up buying a Halina dress; Renegade Floral, Nanette Jacket; Ink, Poppy Shirred Skirt; Mid Blue Chambray and a Mullet Graphic Tee; Ruffled Navy White Stripe! I figured, with my kind of lifestyle to not feel like a leech I got to get a job.

Apples of gold in baskets of silver. 
I thought that was really beautiful!

Really sleepy and there's church tomorrow but I really want to say this.

I'm thankful I'm in bible school now. I think it is not just God's way of drawing me closer to him but at the same time allowing me to depend on him through all the pain I'm going through (: I get it now. I know I will get out of this, in a state I've never been before. I know God has plans for me, plans to prosper and not to harm me. I just have to wait on him. Being in Bible School has brought me back to the very basics.

Its like an epiphany. This time, I will do it God's way (:

Goodnight world, my teeth hurts. I can't eat popcorn ):

Extracted 2 teeth today. I thought I was going to pass out! D: Hahaha. My lips feel as if they're swollen, just really strange. My ears are ticklish I can't feel my nose. Haha. Oh dear. I'm numb all over.

My heart does a little dance everytime you tell me I'm beautiful <3

Woke up at 5 plus, car-ed to the airport, car-ed to tamp mrt, off to bible sch, cell, lunch, novena, shenton way, sam leong's culinary class, town. I AM DEAD BEAT. Oh yeah, test tomorrow and I'm loosing teeth.

Sam Leong's salmon culinary class was the bomb. I have never tasted cooked salmon as soft as this before. D:

I know deep down I don't want it this way cos I treasure the friendship so much, but I guess you didn't want it enough to talk things out. I just prayed God would give me the signal to tell me if what I was doing was right. But all that I keep getting is Love God, but how does that work! How does loving God mean that I can get my answer?

But its okay because everyone works differently, as least right now, maybe I can start living life better (: I just pray one day soon we will cross paths again :)

Dear Daddy,

Please don't let what Mummy thinks to be true. I'll be incredibly disappointed in you.

Love,
Me.

2010 can be said to be one of the worst years of my life. It has probably been one of the most emotionally wrecking years, but I'm grateful the year has came to an end but I believe that I will continue having the strength to carry on happy.

Thanks to my dearest friends who have been part of my 2010, supporting through one of most emotionally heart wrenching, mentally confusing break ups ever. Thanks for having been there for me, giving me the love and support I needed and I really look forward to sharing this year with you guys. Through the ups and downs, come what may (:

Thanks to those who have hurt me, once, twice, many times over. I don't regret a single thing I have done, but I hope one day you will come to understand and appreciate my actions. To those who have hurt me repeatedly, each time a little deeper, thanks for making me a stronger and more street wise girl.

Lessons have been learnt, I will try my very best not to look back.
Today's a new day, a new year, I will make the best of what I have (:

Have a blessed new year everyone! :D

I will do a post on my awesome trip soon! :D