Apple, Cinnamon, Brown Sugar and Butter!

The end product! (:

THE COARSE SUGAR CUT MY PALM!!! :( :( 

Okay I am not very pleased with the end product. I mean it is pretty ordinary and let's face it, Apple and Cinnamon muffins are pretty juvenile, especially since I have baked such pretty birthday cakes :D :D Hahaha. But I really wanted to bake, to like let out the frustrations/anxiety I was having with Econs the past few days, and hence had to just use whatever baking stuff I could find at home, which turned out to be not alot :( Hahaha. Not very satisfied too. The challenge and satisfaction of looking at the beautiful piece of art/food I have created isn't there. Hahaha. Never mind, this will make do. For the time being. I am going to try making macaroons the next time. Or pies! 

MY OVEN IS BACK IN FULL SWING :D

Today's papers were pretty okay. GP essay was really fun. The question went something like that: 'Citizens first.' Should countries cling on to this mentality in a globalized world as such. Had so much fun writing it. GP Comprehension was a little tougher though. Maybe because initially, I was not too interested in 'Captialism being unhealthy and morally wrong and how capital is the devil', uh, like seriously, what do you want to become, Soviet Union?? Hello?? People died of hunger. Millions of people died. Communism is definitely an ideal scenario, but with human beings naturally striving to pursue wordly gains, it is never going to work out. I was seriously scoffing at the author of the first passage because he was so incredibly biased. I liked the second passage a whole lot more. It provided a well weighed analysis on how capitalism was just but a mere economic system and all that it could do was provide a mere platform for different ethics to play out. :D Sounds really interesting right? Haha. Econs was, what I felt, the best I have ever done so far. Please please let the grades be a reflection of all the hard work I have put in thus far. 

Okay got to get back to packing my table and prepping for another day of studying tomorrow!

Okay. Freaking out. Exam anxiety in full swing. But as hard as it may be I will trust and have faith. 

Today I am going to be a sponge! :D

Wildly anticipating the end of tomorrow. 

I feel like I am stuck in this cycle of mundane living.

Have been teaching my invisible class Econs for the past 2 days but I feel so insecure. I am just so damn frustrated with everything right now. Feels like I am doing revision at a pace slower then turtles in a traffic jam ploughing through gelatin. This whole prelims thing is weighing me down so terribly I am utterly horrified. I secretly do know that I can count on God because He will tide me through everything. But there are these bugging questions I have. What if my best is not enough and what if what I think is my best actually isn't my best. What happens if I do not realise I have not been pushing myself hard enough. So what do I then. Give up? I am by no means a quitter, but this is just about becoming one of the worst times of my life. I hate uncertainity and I feel so freaking tired but I can't rest because I am not done with my revision. And I am not even talking about for all my papers. Just for the 3 papers on wednesday. Ugh. Really hating this shit right now. A promise to myself, not going to go to bed till I am done with the next 4 freaking chapters. Sorry for the profanity, but all these are seriously way over my head. Got to get back to my hell hole. 

Ugh I just remembered, positive attitude van. I will have to try. And trust. Goodness gracious me. 

- 

Y'nno what? It feels so good to be able to rant and I am going to do this the right way. I will have faith and I will believe. All I can do right now is to focus and do my best, and whatever the outcome may be at least I know I haven't shortchanged myself and the people who have supported me so greatly this whole year. Got to head back to the books (:

 He was totally tipping toes! 

The cheat who took bluffing me daily to be his personal motto (:

 Melly mel and I <3 

 Nat! You're 3/4 A12 <3

 Deannie and I! <3 'Like a phoenix rising from the ashes' girl (: Love all the epic history moments. 

 Just like old times! (: Jas carrying sophie, sophie squealing in delight/excitement. 

The warm fuzzy feeling enveloping us all, reminding us of what has been and what will be to come <3
Back to work!

Success is when you see your grades improve ever so slowly but significantly. And suddenly you really understand why you are working so hard and all the time invested is worth it and you feel pumped up to do even more to maintain, improve but never drop. 22 for my SBQ. Finally!!! Do you know how relieved I am. Very very very very happy and pleased with myself. Have to finish another 2 International History SBQs for Ms Lim tomorrow. I am so blessed to have such good tutors (:

The very first time I heard this song, I ended up crying. 

Today was really pretty epic. Headed to paragon for dental, which BTW is totally killing me now. I cannot even bite into a fruit/cherry. That is how pathetic the strength of my teeth is now. But this is also pretty good because all I can do is eat oats. Hahaha. Okay I sound like a horse, which isn't a good thing. But you get what I mean right. 

So anyway, God really held the rain in!! It only started pouring super heavily when I set foot into Paragon. So yay! 

But well, apparently my joy was pretty much short lived. After I was done I wanted to get my nails done. BUT the skies were still crying their hearts out, in torrents no less, so I decided to invest in an umbrella, to you know at least make my way to my nail place. Headed down to market place, got an umbrella, which had some QUALITY CHOICE sticker on it. Quality choice, as if, that useless thing turned out to be the death of me. 

Seriously. And to those who do not already know, (and if that is the case why are you even reading my blog, all my close friends know this) I have a terrible sense of direction. Leaving me in town, alone, and asking me to get from Taka to Ion would possibly be worst than getting your turtle to crawl through toothpaste. Okay, pretty strange analogy. 

So yes, I have a terrible sense of direction and I am not afraid to admit it. Hahaha. 

So anyway, uh I walked in the completely opposite direction. And walked for a good 7 mins, I guess till alar bells started ringing wildly and I realised I was 'navigating' wrongly. Haha. During that point in time I was really pretty glad with my newest umbrella purchase. I mean at least the rain was not getting into my hair :D Spoke too soon though, just as I was walking in the correct direction with the rain getting heavier; the rain was seriously pelting down. 

Worst thing ever, I felt the umbrella slowly descending and it hit me on the head. It was either 

(a) I had a faulty umbrella.

(b) The sheets of rain were made of steel.

That was not all, the handle of the stupid umbrella FELL OFF. It literally fell apart in my hands. Like the knob just dropped off and I had to screw that crazy thing back in myself. I felt SO HELPLESS. Just imagine, the pain in my mouth from the tightening of braces + the cold cold wind and rain drenching my legs+ trying to find my way in town + a FAULTY umbrella on a MONDAY morning = Just Perfect.

But I am really going to thank God because just as I thought there would be worst things to come, the skies cleared (: (: Was so tempted to throw away my  the umbrella, but I figured if it rained after I was done with my nails, and I was umbrella-less I would seriously cry. Hahaha. 

My eventful morning wasn't done yet. My nail shop was not open. Everything was not open. I was like whatttt, are you freaking kidding me. I braved through the rain to get here and I am too early? So I was telling God: Please please let just 1 nail shop be open. AND AND AND there was :D My God is really good (: And you know what else, when I was done with my nails I was so happy I found a shop selling fruits and I ate pineapples and dragonfruit! Made me so happy. AND THREW AWAY THAT USELESS UMBRELLA THING. 

(Y)(Y)(Y)

I am down with a cold now and I still have to prep for tuition tomorrow. Mummy gave me sleepy medication so I do not think I can sustain this much longer, but, I have prelims in 2 weeks, so if I am going to turn in early today I have to kick my gear into really high mode from tomorrow onwards. 

Really hope that if your day have been dampened by the rain, you will still find someway to see the goodness of it all. Like for 1, THE WEATHER WAS AWESOME TODAY (: 

This is the kind of support I get from my friends. Hahaha. Love them to bits though they keep me happy. 

Back to work, for a while <3

As the days pass all these studying gets increasingly difficult. There is no school pressure to push me on, there are no classmates for me to have a bench mark/feel the pressure with/get reminded of the days left till prelims and especially A levels, there are no classmates to spur each other on. There is noone,  but me and that makes studying for A levels as a private candidate increasingly difficult. 

You know, it is not losing the way to the final destination which scares me, but losing the meaning behind why I want to reach that exact point that scares me to death. Point being, there is only 2 weeks to prelims, 15 weeks to A levels I can't lose focus, I have to remember where all these are going to, why I so desperately want to reach that goal and why I chose to retake A levels. I need to have it firmly engraved into that brain of mine to push myself to the limit. Because only then will I be able to say that at least, this year, I have not let my parents, the friends who have supported me and myself down. 

I have already worked so hard the past 8 months. Simply have another 12 more weeks till it begins and I can really get my life back. 12 more weeks to a bright future; sounds like a pretty decent exchange!

I need the strength. I know my focus is dwindling so please, pray for me. Both my spirit and heart has to be willing. :/ Back to ASEAN SBQs :/

*Positive Attitude Van* 

Seriously the amount my parents have spent on tuition for me this year is pretty crazy. $3635 this month. It is really some crazy exorbitant sum of money. That being said my break time is up and I have to get back to my Econs Case Study and 2 SEA SBQs. 

Oh for the ones who do not know, the ones in bluish purple are typed by Shernice and the ones in white are by me. 

Econs-ed in the morning. History-ed in the afternoon. I am glad I am feeling the pressure. I am glad I have that sense of urgency and most importantly I am very relieved that that desire to strive regardless of what I have to put up with is back (: Suddenly things get a little clearer and I know I am set out to achieve greater things. Exhausted but not stretched beyond what I can take. Things are finally falling into place (:
-
Today I talked to one of my closer friends about my VJ friends.
I thought after all we had been through, the time invested in each others lives, our friendships would be able to sustain this true test of time, but somehow reality is proving me wrong? The fear that I had all along of losing treasured friends is coming true.  I feel really bad not being able to meet you guys, bailing on lunches, dinners and teas, especially for those going overseas really soon. But the thing is I also really need you guys to understand how I cannot leave this small bubble I have created for myself. There is the danger of me possibly having too much fun for 1 night, which may really destroy the mood I need for the subsequent days and I really cannot have any of that. It matters to me having you guys check up on how I am doing, it kind of serves as a reminder that you guys are there but I am not getting that and suddenly, in the midst of my studying I feel down because I wonder where the memories we have built during that 2 years, the promises we have made to each other have gone to.

My heart beats silently thereafter but then I remember the number of friends I have right now truly supporting and loving me and I remain thankful for what I have got. 

Was not able to celebrate Shernice's birthday on the day itself because of all the studying, so the next day, which is Friday, we met up earlier before FOP to have her birthday dinner! Ended up at Tampines 1's Sushi Tei. I am completely in love with Japanese food. Really. 

 I had the Wafu Salad with their amazing house dressing and lots of avocado. It is actually pretty filling for a salad. Haha. 

 Tofu!!! (: (: I think it is Agadeshi Tofu, but uh, I am not very sure, so don't hold me to it. Hahaha. 

 And Shernice had her favourite salmon sashimi. 

 Decided to try the salmon skin. I have never eaten this before and I am pretty sure this will be the first and last time. Haha. It was not even close to crispy and it was chewy in this rubbery way. Sorry, not exactly a fan of such things. Low lili liked it though! But she said it was supposed to be crispier. 

 And she had cha soba with salmon! Looks good aye. Yumyum!

 The pretty birthday girl! <3 Happy Birthday dearie! <3<3<3

 And me! :/ With my hair in a mess and my fringe pinned up. Ew. Hahaha.Completely explainable though. I was studying. And it would have been worse because I had my hair tied up in this telephone wire thing [which I will not use it anymore because low li li says only PRCs use it? Don't know how true but I don't want to have a personal encounter with an experience like that.] but decided to let it down because I knew I was going to be seeing people during FOP. Hahaha. Savaged whatever I could. 

 Okay my face is weird here too. Ah. Oh well. We all have our bad days. She saw some weird motorized monkey/donkey/dog, I can't remember, and so I was dragged into the shop only to leave after less than 5 mins because we wanted to get Imperial Kitchen's custard bun. Omgosh, its the bomb. Wish I had a picture of the custard oozing out of the bun, it would make everyone hungry. 

Thank you Low Li Li for putting up with all my nonsense and not judging but trusting me (: Thank you for allowing me to rant continuously over 1 same thing and I really hope that while you have been there for me, I have also been a worthy friend, doing the same if not even more for you (: I really appreciate it and this friendship is something I won't ever want to trade anything else with, not even a guy, scarily real because we kinda have the same taste. Well sort of. At least for eye candies anyway. Hahaha. I love you hun! And I wouldn't mind being the one creating free entertainment with whatever I do just for you my dearest friend hahaha. But I still refuse to admit I am that amusing, just saying.

-

 Today on our way to tuition! Don't know what she is doing with her hair. I can't do that :/

Blur. Say hello to my china eyes early in the morning. 

Please don't judge, I know that is a reserved seat, which my brother so aptly pointed out [He was like sis, you're taking a picture with the arrow pointing at a reserved seat no less in this contemptuous voice], but there was noone on the train. Really. Or at least everyone on the train had a seat. 

 Sharper! But we still look incredibly exhausted. But hello?? That is completely excusable. She kinda tried studying till late the previous night, and I got lost in town! 

It was absolutely madness okay. I was supposed to go to Fullerton to get sent home after FOP, and I mean daddy usually drives us there so I didn't know how to find my way there on foot. And I ended up walking to marina bay sands from city hall, and to those who do not know, it is in the completely opposite direction from The Fullerton. In fact, the stupid security guards at one Raffles Link gave me all the wrong directions! D: Then I had to walk back to the esplanade/floating platform, look for some junction, then I just decided to use gut feel and walk to Fullerton. Actually it wasn't really gut feel because I could see 'The Fullerton' so brightly lit. Haha. But I was also pretty annoyed, because I was bombarded with people calling me incessantly to find out if I was (a) still lost (b) safe (c) WHERE ARE YOU NOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET MOBBED. (d) to make a will (???) Which I eventually did with amanda lee, and she thought it was beyond ridiculous. Guess the 'leaving of all my accessories to her' did not go that well. Hahaha. Okay yes, so finally after like 40 mins of speed walking, [bless my mind for not having been too tired from studying to actually dress up/not be decked in heels, or I would have passed out on the streets from all that walking] I finally came to this massive bridge, it sort of went on forever I thought it was never going to end, until I saw a vaguely familiar face. IT WAS DADDY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D He had come to save me from the ordeal of finding out how to ENTER the Fullerton. What an adventure. The most exciting thing that happened to me the entire week. Sad but true. 

Oh and thank you Clarence!! (: You make such an awful good compass/map. I reckon you would have an extremely bright future as a human map :D

Okay maybe not completely because FOP was super duper awesome. The indoor stadium was packed to the brim! New Life Worship was just completely brilliant, the speaker was so annoited and he gave the sermon with so much passion I didn't realise that I was listening so intently. It was on, empowerment of grace (: 

Anyway, as usual, I am again veering off from the original train of thought, this is what Low Li Li had for lunch! We wanted to go to Bakerzin because I was craving for the Thai Glass Salad/ Mushroom Bruschetta but it was so full and the only available seats were outside. But the guy saw I was decked out in a purple pullover/looked like a purple padded penguin and he was like I do not think you actually want to sit outside, the fans are not working. And because we did not want to wait, we headed to the basement to find food! Landed up in Marutuma. Love their ramens :D :D :D

 Shernice's bowl of rice!

 Her jubilant face.

 My bowl of yummy ramen. Feeling so satisfied (: (:

 Signing off! Got to get back to work (: I love my purple pullover! Makes me feel warm and fuzzy! (: 

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I know you do not read my blog, but out of all my VJ friends, I really expected more from you. I expected you to understand that this year's A levels would really warrant me with very little time for you. But yet after I couldn't make it that day, you just cut me off completely. Perhaps it is really true that it is through this year that I would be able to sieve out the friends who will stand by me regardless, making a consistent effort to be in my life, and those who simple do not care enough. I wished things were different but I guess not. You win some and you lose some and that is life. Guess I am only learning that now :/