Econs-ed in the morning. History-ed in the afternoon. I am glad I am feeling the pressure. I am glad I have that sense of urgency and most importantly I am very relieved that that desire to strive regardless of what I have to put up with is back (: Suddenly things get a little clearer and I know I am set out to achieve greater things. Exhausted but not stretched beyond what I can take. Things are finally falling into place (:
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Today I talked to one of my closer friends about my VJ friends.
I thought after all we had been through, the time invested in each others lives, our friendships would be able to sustain this true test of time, but somehow reality is proving me wrong? The fear that I had all along of losing treasured friends is coming true.  I feel really bad not being able to meet you guys, bailing on lunches, dinners and teas, especially for those going overseas really soon. But the thing is I also really need you guys to understand how I cannot leave this small bubble I have created for myself. There is the danger of me possibly having too much fun for 1 night, which may really destroy the mood I need for the subsequent days and I really cannot have any of that. It matters to me having you guys check up on how I am doing, it kind of serves as a reminder that you guys are there but I am not getting that and suddenly, in the midst of my studying I feel down because I wonder where the memories we have built during that 2 years, the promises we have made to each other have gone to.

My heart beats silently thereafter but then I remember the number of friends I have right now truly supporting and loving me and I remain thankful for what I have got.