Everyone's fighting their own battle

To trace the outline of your lips with mine

2012-02-03T21:10:00.001+08:00

6:59 am

I've been told

that people in the army

do more by 07:00 am

than I do

in an entire day

But if I wake

at 6:59am

and turn to you

and trace the outline of your lips

with mine

I will have done enough

and killed noone

in the process.

-Shane Koyczan

Cause even the stars they burn

2012-02-01T18:41:00.000+08:00

When I look into your eyes

It's like watching the night sky

Or a beautiful sunrise

Well there's so much they hold

And just like them old stars

I see that you've come so far

To be right where you are

How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space

To do some navigating

I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn

Some even fall to the earth

We've got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts

We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we didn't tend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not

And who I am

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

I won't give up on us

God knows I'm tough, he knows

We got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

I'm longer your muse

2012-01-08T20:23:00.000+08:00

Really beautiful song that I enjoyed tremendously. Made me reflect about some stuff but that is a chapter that I would rather remain closed.

Well, I can't believe the year 2011 has finally ended. A year of redemption, as I have so declared myself. But above all else, I guess last year was that of new found friendships, greater learning experiences and ever more pertinent life lessons. Honestly, after having been through the whole works of last year, I definitely wouldn't want to have gone through 2011 in any other way. Then again I guess that might not be entirely true, considering how if I hadn't had to retake A levels, things might be really different now. I guess my point is that what I initially had assumed to be a year of waste has turned out very much for the better (:

I want to stop thinking about how 2011 has been, very simply because I want to leave the past behind. I believe that whatever has happened has moulded me into the person I am today, but regardless of how much I have learnt the bottom line is that it was nonetheless one of the most humbling and painful years ever. I guess that has got to be a pretty good reason to not want to keep thinking about it right?

New year resolutions for 2012. Hmm, that's a tough one. Maybe I should categorize them properly haha. New year resoultions vs The things I want to do in 2012.

But even before that, I just want to say I am so thankful for all the support my closest friends (Navreen, Yvonne, Shernice) have given me, helping me go through the insecurities not just from the presumed judgement that I would get from others, but also from the harsh manner I was criticizing myself and my lack of grades. I am really so so so thankful to have friends like them, feeling as if I can't be blessed enough (:

New Year Resolutions:

1. Spend more time with my parents.

2. Be better than I was last year.

3. Keep the lessons I have learnt last year, through my years in uni.

4. Remain positive.

Things I want to do in 2012:

1. Drive

2. Learn a new language

3. Travel

4. Mission Trip(s)

5. Complete one entire baking book (Inspired by French Cooking with Julie and Julia)

AND FRIENDS, I NEED A JOB. Please recommend me something hahaha.

Have a great first week in uni darlings <3

New Year, New Beginnings

2012-01-01T22:19:00.000+08:00

Last night was nothing but perfect. Spending the first few hours of my new year under the vibrant spray of fireworks, with you, what more can I ask for (: (:

I know I haven't been blogging in ages, will try to do so soon. Need the inspiration to write. Imagine the sea waves lapping up against the shore, that's the way I want my words to flow.

Have a brilliant 2012 lovers

The Archipelago of Kisses

2011-11-23T12:18:00.000+08:00

We live in a modern society. Husbands and wives don’t

grow on trees, like in the old days. So where

does one find love? When you’re sixteen it’s easy,

like being unleashed with a credit card

in a department store of kisses. There’s the first kiss.

The sloppy kiss. The peck.

The sympathy kiss. The backseat smooch. The we

shouldn’t be doing this kiss. The but your lips

taste so good kiss. The bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss.

The I wish you’d quit smoking kiss.

The I accept your apology, but you make me really mad

sometimes kiss. The I know

your tongue like the back of my hand kiss. As you get

older, kisses become scarce. You’ll be driving

home and see a damaged kiss on the side of the road,

with its purple thumb out. If you

were younger, you’d pull over, slide open the mouth’s

red door just to see how it fits. Oh where

does one find love? If you rub two glances, you get a smile.

Rub two smiles, you get a warm feeling.

Rub two warm feelings and presto-you have a kiss.

Now what? Don’t invite the kiss over

and answer the door in your underwear. It’ll get suspicious

and stare at your toes. Don’t water the kiss with whiskey.

It’ll turn bright pink and explode into a thousand luscious splinters,

but in the morning it’ll be ashamed and sneak out of

your body without saying good-bye,

and you’ll remember that kiss forever by all the little cuts it left

on the inside of your mouth. You must

nurture the kiss. Turn out the lights. Notice how it

illuminates the room. Hold it to your chest

and wonder if the sand inside hourglasses comes from a

special beach. Place it on the tongue’s pillow,

then look up the first recorded kiss in an encyclopedia: beneath

a Babylonian olive tree in 1200 B.C.

But one kiss levitates above all the others. The

intersection of function and desire. The I do kiss.

The I’ll love you through a brick wall kiss.

Even when I’m dead, I’ll swim through the Earth,

like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones.

/ Jeffrey McDaniel

A's have ended but I'm rushing to town now, blog soon <3

How can I love when I am afraid to fall

2011-11-16T16:01:00.000+08:00

Heartbeats fast

Colours and Promises

How to be brave

How can I love when I am afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubts suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

A thousand years' lyrics

Not a twilight fan, at all, but I love Christina Perri's songs (:

Say whutttttt!

2011-11-14T18:20:00.001+08:00

I HAD MY FIRST CHEESEBURGER IN LIKE 10 YEARS. NOT KIDDING.

Was just lamenting to the sheep how I was craving Macs and how I wanted to eat like a list of foods, LIST, I kid, it was more like the entire freaking menu!!! AND THAT SHEEP ORDERED IT FOR ME. OMGOSH. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. I think that was like 1500 kcal worth of fats and I am feeling so guilty but oh so satisfied ;) [ I love my sheep!!!] CHEESEBURGERS ARE THE BOMBBB. I love my cheese and meat but dayumm I am feeling so terribly guilty now

On a sidenote, Lit wasn't all that brilliant today. Was sneezing and sniffling throughout the paper I thought the MJC-ians were going to kill me after that. Plus poetry was rather tough, albeit extremely beautiful, as usual (: Richard was good though I would have to admit the question was rather narrow in scope and I liked the disgrace passage (: (: I hope I will at least do decently well like maybe an A would be good. Fingers crossed.

ECONS. ONWARDS COMRADES.

Sorry I know I am becoming strange but I can barely help it. All this pent up stress is turning me a little wonky. You wouldn't want to hear about the dreams I have been having haha.

But anyway, have a great week friendlets, I will be out soon. Miss you all plentifully <3 <3 <3

OH and I think you only have a few hours more but please vote for my BFF, Yvonne and her sister, Ginny!!

FOLLOW THESE STEPS :

1. Go to http://www.socialmedialeague.com.sg/

2. Do a really quick signup

3. Go to the social media league artistes tab and click the share button. Note that you can only use firefox/safari!!

They are really good you won't regret it hahaha (: (: [ Watch the above for yourself]

Liking them on youtube doesn't count!!

Hurry they only have 5 hours more so please share their video (which counts as 1 vote). Winning would mean so much to them! <3

Secrets of the Unicorn

2011-11-11T20:50:00.002+08:00

And I smile to myself because I see just how far I have come (: (: (:

Done with the first week of A levels and I must say it has been some time since I felt this good about my academics. I don't know how I will do, even do I am really praying for my As but I know, this time, I have no regrets. The best has been invested and I personally feel that I haven't shortchanged myself, my parents and the people who have stood by me this whole time.

I know it is still rather early for a self reflective post, but there is this pressing need in me to say some things haha. I feel really blessed and am really thankful that that baggage I carried is no longer around. I still wish certain things didn't have to happen the way they did, but at the same time, there is this larger part of me that is glad that it did, because without 'that' and this year as huge learning experiences, would I be the way I am today?

Something that really touched me this year was the myriad of friends who texted me, wishing me all the best for A's, and I am honestly really pleasantly surprised. Yes, pretty heartwarming to know that even though we have not been in constant contact you guys still remember me and what I'm going through <3 I guess you can call me a sentimental 'fool', for the lack of a better word at this present moment, but hey, it's the small things that really matter (:

How do I put this, yes I am stressed. Yet, I feel peaceful. And it is strange in this comforting way. I remembered entering the hall last year for International History freaking out, feeling the information seeping slowly out of my head even before I could find my place in the hall but it is really different this year and once again I know I have God to thank because without Him, I am really pretty certain that I would not have been able to get through this the way I did (:

Do I sound really jaded? I hope I don't because I don't think I am, fine, I am not hahaha. Have been in this contemplative mood the entire day haha.

On something of an entirely different proportion, there is something really boggling me.

I do not know where everything is going and it scares me. Not you, but this whole situation. The problem is I can't shut you out because the connection we have is undeniable and just pretty amazing. Truth be told, I am really thankful for you bothering to cheer me up especially when I was feeling so terrible haha. But getting over something does not equate to being able enough to venture into new ground and the idea of being vulnerable, trusting someone with a part of me honestly does scare me. Like you said, I have trust issues, haha and even though I know you were completely kidding, you have no idea how right you were.

But then again with A's looming precariously over me, these thoughts will have to take a backseat. Enjoy what we have right now and progress as life leads. This year will be a year of rights and I am going to be certain of that <3

While I mug hard for ECONS (Please pray for me), Lit and SEA History, all you Uni kids out there play as much as you can, because when I am done, and you're having finals (hahahahaha) the town is going to be painted oh so red ;) Have a good weekend lovers, X

The acid grey black of the night sky.

2011-10-27T21:21:00.003+08:00

The caving of the hall's roofs.That disbelief. The unfounded calmness. The tears. The disbelief. The humiliation. The crashing of my world.

It has haunted me for an incredibly long time but in 2 weeks time when I retake my A levels, the same thing isn't going to happen. I need to make up for the mistakes I have made last year, and keep my eye on the prize.

Because humans have limited powers, and this is as far as I can go

2011-10-23T21:15:00.001+08:00

Doing the best I can but trusting God. Btw, its only 2047 and I am so dead beat and it's not like I studied alot today.

Things I have to complete by the end of the new week.

Math: 3 more math papers

Lit: Read/Annotate/Analyse Taming of the Shrew, Disgrace and Richard the Third AGAIN

SEA History: 2 more SBQs, 3 essays on Economic Developement, 3 essays on Political Structures, Read all the Theme 1 essays

Intl History: Memorise Origins, KW and UN.

Econs: Memorise all my micro stuff again, 2 more case studies and all the past year trade essays

GP: ACJC 2011 Prelim Paper

Okay I can do this!!!

Dear God, please sustain me :'(

Do it afraid!

2011-10-19T13:07:00.000+08:00

A levels are just about 2 and a half weeks away and I am honestly very relieved. Very thankful too for the people who have walked this tedious journey with me, providing me with the comfort, support and encouragement I so desperately need.

However, to say that relief is the only thing I am feeling now would be an understatement, because fear is also one of the other emotions. But through this short post, I would just like to impart something of extreme value that I have learnt through quiet time a few days back.

I have learnt that feeling fearful is really just part and parcel of the emotions we as humans have. And most importantly, feeling fearful, does NOT make us weak. The only difference however, is that we should not let fear overwhelm us. Simply because fear is the enemy of confidence and that is what all of us need in our lives.

So what I am trying to put across is this. Being fearful doesn't make us cowards. We are cowards only if we run. And maybe if we have been allowing this feeling to control and determine our destiny perhaps it is time to regain control of our own lives because the truth is that fear happens to everybody. In fact, it is what we do in spite of that fear makes the difference between victory or defeat in our lives.

Be strong and courageous, and firm; fear not...for it is the Lord your God who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you. - Deuteronomy 31:6

Happy Birthday Mummy Dearest!

2011-10-16T19:37:00.001+08:00

I made the pastry myself! Is that not pure skill!

Pancakes made from scratch! :D Not some batter hahaha.

Mummy's birthday was on 11 October and because of her digestion issue I couldn't bake a cake for her so I made apple pie in replacement of a cake and pumpkin pancakes for her brekkie! :D Don't they look absolutely phenomenal hahaha. Okay fine maybe not that phenomenal but I think the pancakes look somewhat tumblr worthy hahaha. Had dinner at Sentosa Golf Club Il lido and the food was pretty spectacular. Desserts blew me away, I have a penchant for desserts. Time spent with the youngest brother always keeps me happy he is such a cutie pie <3

Dinner was supposed to be light. Like because we decided to share we assumed it wasn't going to be that filling but alas, we were gravely wrong haha. Walked out feeling too satisfied. Can too much of a good thing be a bad thing haha.

Saw a peacock on our way in! COOL OR WHAT haha.

I think I look quite nice in these 2 pics so even though my brother isn't looking at the camera this is going up. He is my baby cutie pie forever hahaha.

Mummy and I! Happy Birthday mummy dearest <3

Pardon my unglam moment apparently that cutie pie brother of mine doesn't know how to take photos properly hahaha. Then again the focus of this pic is supposed to be the smexy Porsche ;)

Daddy and I! (:

First thing I'm gg to do after A's : Learn golf hahaha.

Okay, but I will have to clear up the K thing first. I hope you aren't still upset. You'd get murdered for constantly making me feel so guilty. Gosh.

Oh and I need to get a job.

Meanwhile, I have to get back to my econs essay plans. Been doing that for the past few days. 2O+ to write. I think I am left with 4/5 more. Pure exhaustion or what.

Shoutout to those taking A's: IT'S GOING TO BE OVER!!!!!!

Shoutout to Navreen Kaur: Love you bbg! <3

Shoutout to Von: You crazy poncho scientist hahahaha <3

Making it count, lovers.

2011-10-13T14:21:00.000+08:00

3 more weeks till A levels and I haven't been working as hard as I did before prelims! Just got back all the grades and I must say even though I am not ecstatic over the results, I am comforted, somewhat relieved, partially happy over the progress I have made across the board and that I can roughly say I am on the right track. So, really thank you God <3

Just have to really focus and get my game together, make the last 3 weeks count because as Vic puts it, this is my year, my game, and I am the star.

I can, I will, I know I can untie these hands

2011-10-06T22:10:00.002+08:00

I CAN by Blue

Love love love this song. This week has been pretty hectic. Really wanting to get my grades back but teachers are not done with the marking. Really praying that I will at least do decently well.

A girl should be two things, classy and fabulous.

2011-10-02T19:45:00.000+08:00

Leighton Meester, effortlessly gorgeous.

Blake Lively as the face of Chanel. As much as I love her, I think Keira does a way better job.

Chanel represents classy feminine strength, something that Blake isn't that able to embody :/

Compare with the one by Keira (Below)

To hold the crown

2011-09-27T14:51:00.003+08:00

The weekends have been nothing short of amazing. Okay not just the weekends, but the period of rest I have managed to get after my double prelims have been supercalifragilisticexpialidociously good haha.

Met Nav for an intensely great time of catch up and shopping, reminscising the days when we were table partners and she was my 'sister' hahaha. Love her so much; She's so genuine and filled with that wonderful goodness (:

Oh and it was the only day of healthy eating with sushi for lunch, soup spoon for dinner and lots of walking!

We had this super awesome day planned out, fleas, kissjane, forever 21, mango and you know what guys??? We achieved it all!! :D Despite me grabbing like a million clothes in one shop. Hahaha.

Met Shernince, Yvonne, Ling Yu and Sakinah on Friday for breakfast. Headed to SMU soon after to, you know, visit the school I so desperately want to be in haha. Well sort of (: Headed to tamp one for some secret mission, which left me so certain and thankful and at the same time filled with lots of questions on how people would want to pay to get tortured. N.E.V.E.R. going back there ever. Had Jap with Vonnie and Shernice and some explosion in your mouth fruit tart! And a very intense conversation which brought me back to ground zero. Line of the day *Why give when you have to borrow to give*

Met Shernice on Saturday and we were supposed to catch the SMURFS (cuteblueminiaturethingsiwantaspets) or Johnny English after lunch but eventually we settled at a cafe just outside Pan Pacific Service Suites to talk. Sometimes I have no idea how we can spend so much time together and yet still have so much to talk about. I mean we see each other every week because of tuition and we whatsapp nearly everyday/excessively but maybe that's what a really great friendship is all about (:

Hand cut fries with choke loads of garlic, was quite put off by it haha.

She was laughing so hard because I told her that soccer turns men into ravenous beast/animals (if you actually see a difference between these 2 in the first place) But we found out it was rugby soon after. Bimbo moment? Maybe not the television was too far away and I saw what was a ball, large patches of green and big men hahaha.

Had hainanese chicken rice ball (Just for novelty sake it was really cool. The only time I had rice balls was when I was really young and in Aussie. Oh I had it earlier this year when I went to Malacca but it tasted pretty horrid so that isn't counted) and chendol. It was so sinful but oh so worth it.

Look at all that goodness!!

We were trekking our way back to the station but I came up with this ingenious idea of walking to the next station to like make myself feel better for having fed my poor tummy with so much food haha when we came across candylicious. And hey! She was in a rush but who can blame us, the colours, amazing decor and sweets were pulling us into the shop and to my greatest pleasure,we succumbed hahaha.

And low lili bought me this chocolate rose. Before we parted ways on the train, she reminded me to eat it cos it would melt. But it's still on my desk, unmelted hee (: (:

Met Lee See and Tan Bella after second service, and right from the onset I knew I was in for it. Was bullied the entire time but y'nno what it was still super amazing crazy fun times we had (: Just catching up and camping in tea valley reminded me of old times and if you could capture memories in a bottle, tea valley with cedar cell would have gone right into the bottle (with a really tight screwcork so none of the memories can float out)!

Lee See let me play with her iphone but I don't know how to use the mei tu xiu xiu (or something like that) haha. And I had a mini lesson on photography with lee see totally judging me when she went all ' You've a great camera but you have to learn to take proper pictures.' Oops.

3 of us!! Really wish that the Twit, the Phang sisters, Chloe, Kim and Alicia will be there next time. Miss the rest so much <3

Sunday dinner was with the bff (: (: (: Korean food. Like real authentic (pretty much so) korean food not those you get at koufu haha. But anyway point being that one on one time with the bff was as usual, really good (: It's like she creates this entirely new dimension for me and yet at the same time manages to get me grounded. Can't wait to be able to get into SMU and be in the same school as her, all over again (:

Ginseng chicken in this super thick broth :D

Topokki in black bean sauce!

All I can say is that I have been greatly blessed to have had all these wonderful people in my life. I mean not everyone has friends who stick by them through thick and thin and I am really thankful for that. A few things clouding my mind right now and suddenly I feel mellow again, perhaps it is the impending A levels, slowly but surely looming over my head but I know I need and want to nail it this time, so very badly.

Books are beckoning ~

Everything bright and beautiful

2011-09-18T17:43:00.000+08:00

Forever and ever <3

Met the friendlets at Timbre, got instantly reminded of the tenuous uphill climb that I had to endure during V-Day. Omg hahaha. But thank goodness I had a ride up this time (: Intended to only stay for half an hour because I had dinner plans elsewhere but the company was too good and I stayed for like an hour plus.

Dearest Jojo I am so proud of you (: After you have graduated and started your own practice I will make sure to send my kid/children/friends' kids to you hahaha. Love you so much <3 And be safe (: Thank goodness for technology because keeping in touch will be so much easier! (:

Back to SEA History ~

Frosting Princess

2011-09-16T17:45:00.008+08:00

Baked Vanilla cupcakes with Buttercream frosting (: At least this looks and tastes way better than that ugly Apple Cinammon muffin hahaha.

Raise your arms, breathe and be liberated (:

2011-09-13T22:19:00.002+08:00

Math was pretty much of a catastrophe. The world's biggest calamity, shocking, horrifying and perfectly horrendous. Okay breathe van. But seriously, it is rather ironical especially since I got an A for my math. But I guess what I lost in math was made up for entirely in my international history paper. First time ever have I actually completed all the questions with conclusions written and a few minutes to spare. I swear my hand was going to drop off. It was cramped in this awkward pen holding position that when examinations were over I literally had to pry my fingers apart from the pen haha. I do not know how I am going to do for this history paper but one thing for certain is that I have really and truly done my best (at least for prelims), and I sincerely take heart in that because the next time after all these, what I see when I look back would be fruits of my labour (:

Thurs: Women in Lit

Friday: Econs CSQ

Next Tuesday: SEA History and Grade Builder's GP Exams

Next Wednesday: 2 Econs Papers

GO ME (:

And all the best to those having Prelims/Term Tests/Mid Terms in Uni and whatsoever <3

Watch this. Love love love Longchamp bags (:

And a shoutout to my Bestie Yvonne <3 Don't beat yourself up over your readings (: I am really sure you will be able to complete them when you have settled down. All the way <3 <3 <3 Meet up after prelims (:

FOOSIYUN [In that really fast way I say it] Hahaha. Thank you for that text. ILY <3 Hope you're having fun in uni (: (:

And Navreen Kaur! Thank you for helping me settle the clothes stuff :D :D :D I feel so much calmer having looked through all those clothes. I think I am a shopping addict haha but who cares hahaha.

And a photo collage for the dear girl retaking A's with me. Thanks for being that pillar of emotional support (:

#1 Cedar Collage (: (:

Y'nno what after posting these few pics, I realise that I miss my friends alot :( :(

Shall do photo collages for other groups soon. Rested for quite some time today got to head back to the books hahaha. Loving my life (:

Satellite stars and an Ocean behind you

2011-09-08T22:29:00.003+08:00

The stress has been mounting up gradually but ever so certainly. But somehow, (in this aspect I think I am a freak), I am relishing in this stressful environment. I feel as if I am making myself really useful, likening myself to a sponge (Spongebob!!) just taking in the beauty and knowledge this world has to offer me. Suddenly, studying in my crazy mind, has painted itself to be such a glorious picture. But that is the point isn't it, to appreciate the beauty of what you are studying. Maybe it is the whole getting a deeper analysis and understanding the pretext and meaning behind what the author does in the lit texts that has made me this way haha. I have never studied Literature harder than this, but am I glad I did. Richard is one amazing character. The continuation of prelims begins next week and through God's strength I am going to try my best to keep my cool and not let my nerves get the better of me. Still have lots of work/memorising to do but I know I will get through this the right way.

Honestly, for a myriad of reasons, this is the happiest I have ever been ever since November last year (: (:

And to little Miss Amanda Lee, stay strong because everything will work out in His perfect timing <3

And to Navreen Kaur, my y'nno what you've been awesome <3 Sleepover and baking at mine with Von, Lingyu, Shernice and the rest soon <3 Can't wait.

OH AND I HAVE TO BREAK THIS MOMENTUM OF TRANQUILITY I CREATED WITH SOME HORRIFIC NEWS. Mummy and Daddy are going to Portugal and London :( :( :( WITHOUT ME.

But then again I guess it is good for them to spend couple time together <3

And some rather nice pics of myself! Please bear with me. Having to stay home and study everyday can be rather tormentous to the soul hahaha.

~ Interstate tension beckons. Long night lovers ~

Lusting

2011-09-03T15:51:00.000+08:00

I want all these now! Ugh need the time to shop. After prelims van after prelims. Back to Economic History.

Behold the baker!! (:

2011-08-31T22:06:00.001+08:00

Apple, Cinnamon, Brown Sugar and Butter!

Everything is in the oven!! (: (:

The end product! (:

THE COARSE SUGAR CUT MY PALM!!! :( :(

Okay I am not very pleased with the end product. I mean it is pretty ordinary and let's face it, Apple and Cinnamon muffins are pretty juvenile, especially since I have baked such pretty birthday cakes :D :D Hahaha. But I really wanted to bake, to like let out the frustrations/anxiety I was having with Econs the past few days, and hence had to just use whatever baking stuff I could find at home, which turned out to be not alot :( Hahaha. Not very satisfied too. The challenge and satisfaction of looking at the beautiful piece of art/food I have created isn't there. Hahaha. Never mind, this will make do. For the time being. I am going to try making macaroons the next time. Or pies!

MY OVEN IS BACK IN FULL SWING :D

Today's papers were pretty okay. GP essay was really fun. The question went something like that: 'Citizens first.' Should countries cling on to this mentality in a globalized world as such. Had so much fun writing it. GP Comprehension was a little tougher though. Maybe because initially, I was not too interested in 'Captialism being unhealthy and morally wrong and how capital is the devil', uh, like seriously, what do you want to become, Soviet Union?? Hello?? People died of hunger. Millions of people died. Communism is definitely an ideal scenario, but with human beings naturally striving to pursue wordly gains, it is never going to work out. I was seriously scoffing at the author of the first passage because he was so incredibly biased. I liked the second passage a whole lot more. It provided a well weighed analysis on how capitalism was just but a mere economic system and all that it could do was provide a mere platform for different ethics to play out. :D Sounds really interesting right? Haha. Econs was, what I felt, the best I have ever done so far. Please please let the grades be a reflection of all the hard work I have put in thus far.

Okay got to get back to packing my table and prepping for another day of studying tomorrow!

THUMP THUMP THUMP. Oh that's just my heart.

2011-08-30T20:41:00.000+08:00

Okay. Freaking out. Exam anxiety in full swing. But as hard as it may be I will trust and have faith.

SPONGEY

2011-08-30T10:55:00.001+08:00

Today I am going to be a sponge! :D

Wildly anticipating the end of tomorrow.

Sleep is for the weak.

2011-08-28T18:57:00.000+08:00

I feel like I am stuck in this cycle of mundane living.

Have been teaching my invisible class Econs for the past 2 days but I feel so insecure. I am just so damn frustrated with everything right now. Feels like I am doing revision at a pace slower then turtles in a traffic jam ploughing through gelatin. This whole prelims thing is weighing me down so terribly I am utterly horrified. I secretly do know that I can count on God because He will tide me through everything. But there are these bugging questions I have. What if my best is not enough and what if what I think is my best actually isn't my best. What happens if I do not realise I have not been pushing myself hard enough. So what do I then. Give up? I am by no means a quitter, but this is just about becoming one of the worst times of my life. I hate uncertainity and I feel so freaking tired but I can't rest because I am not done with my revision. And I am not even talking about for all my papers. Just for the 3 papers on wednesday. Ugh. Really hating this shit right now. A promise to myself, not going to go to bed till I am done with the next 4 freaking chapters. Sorry for the profanity, but all these are seriously way over my head. Got to get back to my hell hole.

Ugh I just remembered, positive attitude van. I will have to try. And trust. Goodness gracious me.

Y'nno what? It feels so good to be able to rant and I am going to do this the right way. I will have faith and I will believe. All I can do right now is to focus and do my best, and whatever the outcome may be at least I know I haven't shortchanged myself and the people who have supported me so greatly this whole year. Got to head back to the books (:

Missing this group of people the mostest: YVONNE NG, NAV KAUR, SAK, LING YU, MANDEE and JO <3 Shernice Low don't be jealous. Its just that I see you almost every week. Here is a picture of me to remind you guys how I look like. Sorry I look so ugly. Studied till late too tired to do anything about it. Love <3 Meet up after prelims (:

Lots of that A12 goodness

2011-08-24T16:16:00.001+08:00

Chaplet and his Murderer picture! HAHAHA. Don't kill me please.

He was totally tipping toes!

The cheat who took bluffing me daily to be his personal motto (:

Melly mel and I <3

Nat! You're 3/4 A12 <3

Deannie and I! <3 'Like a phoenix rising from the ashes' girl (: Love all the epic history moments.

Just like old times! (: Jas carrying sophie, sophie squealing in delight/excitement.

Half of the TSD-ers! <3

The warm fuzzy feeling enveloping us all, reminding us of what has been and what will be to come <3
Back to work!

First scent of Success

2011-08-20T17:24:00.001+08:00

Success is when you see your grades improve ever so slowly but significantly. And suddenly you really understand why you are working so hard and all the time invested is worth it and you feel pumped up to do even more to maintain, improve but never drop. 22 for my SBQ. Finally!!! Do you know how relieved I am. Very very very very happy and pleased with myself. Have to finish another 2 International History SBQs for Ms Lim tomorrow. I am so blessed to have such good tutors (:

Christian Dior Photoshoot

2011-08-20T11:06:00.002+08:00

The Christian Dior photoshoot was so much fun! Haha. Hair and make up took about 3 hours plus. Okay mainly just make up; I do not like strangers touching my short hair, really particular about that, perhaps even to the brink of being super anal. Haha. So anyway, here are the pics! There are more from where it came from but they're on facebook.

Okay, honestly I won't ever put so much make up on again but I think I look pretty alright. Different, I would say. Haha. Just that I thought the pics would be alot nicer without the braces!! 14 more months! :( The price for beauty. Hahaha.

Good break from all the hectic studying I have been doing. Really really good break. I feel so much happier (:

Had this love, had this dreams, falling apart at the seams

2011-08-18T21:44:00.000+08:00

Starting over lyrics

The very first time I heard this song, I ended up crying.

Nothing fancy. Always choose to give thanks, and you will see the goodness in everything (:

2011-08-15T22:14:00.044+08:00

Today was really pretty epic. Headed to paragon for dental, which BTW is totally killing me now. I cannot even bite into a fruit/cherry. That is how pathetic the strength of my teeth is now. But this is also pretty good because all I can do is eat oats. Hahaha. Okay I sound like a horse, which isn't a good thing. But you get what I mean right.

So anyway, God really held the rain in!! It only started pouring super heavily when I set foot into Paragon. So yay!

But well, apparently my joy was pretty much short lived. After I was done I wanted to get my nails done. BUT the skies were still crying their hearts out, in torrents no less, so I decided to invest in an umbrella, to you know at least make my way to my nail place. Headed down to market place, got an umbrella, which had some QUALITY CHOICE sticker on it. Quality choice, as if, that useless thing turned out to be the death of me.

Seriously. And to those who do not already know, (and if that is the case why are you even reading my blog, all my close friends know this) I have a terrible sense of direction. Leaving me in town, alone, and asking me to get from Taka to Ion would possibly be worst than getting your turtle to crawl through toothpaste. Okay, pretty strange analogy.

So yes, I have a terrible sense of direction and I am not afraid to admit it. Hahaha.

So anyway, uh I walked in the completely opposite direction. And walked for a good 7 mins, I guess till alar bells started ringing wildly and I realised I was 'navigating' wrongly. Haha. During that point in time I was really pretty glad with my newest umbrella purchase. I mean at least the rain was not getting into my hair :D Spoke too soon though, just as I was walking in the correct direction with the rain getting heavier; the rain was seriously pelting down.

Worst thing ever, I felt the umbrella slowly descending and it hit me on the head. It was either

(a) I had a faulty umbrella.

(b) The sheets of rain were made of steel.

That was not all, the handle of the stupid umbrella FELL OFF. It literally fell apart in my hands. Like the knob just dropped off and I had to screw that crazy thing back in myself. I felt SO HELPLESS. Just imagine, the pain in my mouth from the tightening of braces + the cold cold wind and rain drenching my legs+ trying to find my way in town + a FAULTY umbrella on a MONDAY morning = Just Perfect.

But I am really going to thank God because just as I thought there would be worst things to come, the skies cleared (: (: Was so tempted to throw away my the umbrella, but I figured if it rained after I was done with my nails, and I was umbrella-less I would seriously cry. Hahaha.

My eventful morning wasn't done yet. My nail shop was not open. Everything was not open. I was like whatttt, are you freaking kidding me. I braved through the rain to get here and I am too early? So I was telling God: Please please let just 1 nail shop be open. AND AND AND there was :D My God is really good (: And you know what else, when I was done with my nails I was so happy I found a shop selling fruits and I ate pineapples and dragonfruit! Made me so happy. AND THREW AWAY THAT USELESS ~~UMBRELLA~~ THING.

(Y)(Y)(Y)

I am down with a cold now and I still have to prep for tuition tomorrow. Mummy gave me sleepy medication so I do not think I can sustain this much longer, but, I have prelims in 2 weeks, so if I am going to turn in early today I have to kick my gear into really high mode from tomorrow onwards.

Really hope that if your day have been dampened by the rain, you will still find someway to see the goodness of it all. Like for 1, THE WEATHER WAS AWESOME TODAY (:

So long as you weren't caught in it without an umbrella.

This is the kind of support I get from my friends. Hahaha. Love them to bits though they keep me happy.

Back to work, for a while <3

It is all about taking chances (:

2011-08-13T21:18:00.001+08:00

As the days pass all these studying gets increasingly difficult. There is no school pressure to push me on, there are no classmates for me to have a bench mark/feel the pressure with/get reminded of the days left till prelims and especially A levels, there are no classmates to spur each other on. There is noone, but me and that makes studying for A levels as a private candidate increasingly difficult.

You know, it is not losing the way to the final destination which scares me, but losing the meaning behind why I want to reach that exact point that scares me to death. Point being, there is only 2 weeks to prelims, 15 weeks to A levels I can't lose focus, I have to remember where all these are going to, why I so desperately want to reach that goal and why I chose to retake A levels. I need to have it firmly engraved into that brain of mine to push myself to the limit. Because only then will I be able to say that at least, this year, I have not let my parents, the friends who have supported me and myself down.

I have already worked so hard the past 8 months. Simply have another 12 more weeks till it begins and I can really get my life back. 12 more weeks to a bright future; sounds like a pretty decent exchange!

I need the strength. I know my focus is dwindling so please, pray for me. Both my spirit and heart has to be willing. :/ Back to ASEAN SBQs :/

*Positive Attitude Van*

Touring the world, not me, yet ;)

2011-08-12T17:25:00.001+08:00

Seriously the amount my parents have spent on tuition for me this year is pretty crazy. $3635 this month. It is really some crazy exorbitant sum of money. That being said my break time is up and I have to get back to my Econs Case Study and 2 SEA SBQs.

Oh for the ones who do not know, the ones in bluish purple are typed by Shernice and the ones in white are by me.

The clouds part and sunlight shines steadily through

2011-08-09T17:39:00.002+08:00

Econs-ed in the morning. History-ed in the afternoon. I am glad I am feeling the pressure. I am glad I have that sense of urgency and most importantly I am very relieved that that desire to strive regardless of what I have to put up with is back (: Suddenly things get a little clearer and I know I am set out to achieve greater things. Exhausted but not stretched beyond what I can take. Things are finally falling into place (:
-
Today I talked to one of my closer friends about my VJ friends.
I thought after all we had been through, the time invested in each others lives, our friendships would be able to sustain this true test of time, but somehow reality is proving me wrong? The fear that I had all along of losing treasured friends is coming true. I feel really bad not being able to meet you guys, bailing on lunches, dinners and teas, especially for those going overseas really soon. But the thing is I also really need you guys to understand how I cannot leave this small bubble I have created for myself. There is the danger of me possibly having too much fun for 1 night, which may really destroy the mood I need for the subsequent days and I really cannot have any of that. It matters to me having you guys check up on how I am doing, it kind of serves as a reminder that you guys are there but I am not getting that and suddenly, in the midst of my studying I feel down because I wonder where the memories we have built during that 2 years, the promises we have made to each other have gone to.

My heart beats silently thereafter but then I remember the number of friends I have right now truly supporting and loving me and I remain thankful for what I have got.

Happy Birthday Decade Long Friend!

2011-08-06T23:59:00.002+08:00

Was not able to celebrate Shernice's birthday on the day itself because of all the studying, so the next day, which is Friday, we met up earlier before FOP to have her birthday dinner! Ended up at Tampines 1's Sushi Tei. I am completely in love with Japanese food. Really.

I had the Wafu Salad with their amazing house dressing and lots of avocado. It is actually pretty filling for a salad. Haha.

Tofu!!! (: (: I think it is Agadeshi Tofu, but uh, I am not very sure, so don't hold me to it. Hahaha.

And Shernice had her favourite salmon sashimi.

Decided to try the salmon skin. I have never eaten this before and I am pretty sure this will be the first and last time. Haha. It was not even close to crispy and it was chewy in this rubbery way. Sorry, not exactly a fan of such things. Low lili liked it though! But she said it was supposed to be crispier.

And she had cha soba with salmon! Looks good aye. Yumyum!

The pretty birthday girl! <3 Happy Birthday dearie! <3<3<3

And me! :/ With my hair in a mess and my fringe pinned up. Ew. Hahaha.Completely explainable though. I was studying. And it would have been worse because I had my hair tied up in this telephone wire thing [which I will not use it anymore because low li li says only PRCs use it? Don't know how true but I don't want to have a personal encounter with an experience like that.] but decided to let it down because I knew I was going to be seeing people during FOP. Hahaha. Savaged whatever I could.

Okay my face is weird here too. Ah. Oh well. We all have our bad days. She saw some weird motorized monkey/donkey/dog, I can't remember, and so I was dragged into the shop only to leave after less than 5 mins because we wanted to get Imperial Kitchen's custard bun. Omgosh, its the bomb. Wish I had a picture of the custard oozing out of the bun, it would make everyone hungry.

Thank you Low Li Li for putting up with all my nonsense and not judging but trusting me (: Thank you for allowing me to rant continuously over 1 same thing and I really hope that while you have been there for me, I have also been a worthy friend, doing the same if not even more for you (: I really appreciate it and this friendship is something I won't ever want to trade anything else with, not even a guy, scarily real because we kinda have the same taste. Well sort of. At least for eye candies anyway. Hahaha. I love you hun! And I wouldn't mind being the one creating free entertainment with whatever I do just for you my dearest friend hahaha. But I still refuse to admit I am that amusing, just saying.

Today on our way to tuition! Don't know what she is doing with her hair. I can't do that :/

Blur. Say hello to my china eyes early in the morning.

Please don't judge, I know that is a reserved seat, which my brother so aptly pointed out [He was like sis, you're taking a picture with the arrow pointing at a reserved seat no less in this contemptuous voice], but there was noone on the train. Really. Or at least everyone on the train had a seat.

Sharper! But we still look incredibly exhausted. But hello?? That is completely excusable. She kinda tried studying till late the previous night, and I got lost in town!

It was absolutely madness okay. I was supposed to go to Fullerton to get sent home after FOP, and I mean daddy usually drives us there so I didn't know how to find my way there on foot. And I ended up walking to marina bay sands from city hall, and to those who do not know, it is in the completely opposite direction from The Fullerton. In fact, the stupid security guards at one Raffles Link gave me all the wrong directions! D: Then I had to walk back to the esplanade/floating platform, look for some junction, then I just decided to use gut feel and walk to Fullerton. Actually it wasn't really gut feel because I could see 'The Fullerton' so brightly lit. Haha. But I was also pretty annoyed, because I was bombarded with people calling me incessantly to find out if I was (a) still lost (b) safe (c) WHERE ARE YOU NOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET MOBBED. (d) to make a will (???) Which I eventually did with amanda lee, and she thought it was beyond ridiculous. Guess the 'leaving of all my accessories to her' did not go that well. Hahaha. Okay yes, so finally after like 40 mins of speed walking, [bless my mind for not having been too tired from studying to actually dress up/not be decked in heels, or I would have passed out on the streets from all that walking] I finally came to this massive bridge, it sort of went on forever I thought it was never going to end, until I saw a vaguely familiar face. IT WAS DADDY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D He had come to save me from the ordeal of finding out how to ENTER the Fullerton. What an adventure. The most exciting thing that happened to me the entire week. Sad but true.

Oh and thank you Clarence!! (: You make such an awful good compass/map. I reckon you would have an extremely bright future as a human map :D

Okay maybe not completely because FOP was super duper awesome. The indoor stadium was packed to the brim! New Life Worship was just completely brilliant, the speaker was so annoited and he gave the sermon with so much passion I didn't realise that I was listening so intently. It was on, empowerment of grace (:

Anyway, as usual, I am again veering off from the original train of thought, this is what Low Li Li had for lunch! We wanted to go to Bakerzin because I was craving for the Thai Glass Salad/ Mushroom Bruschetta but it was so full and the only available seats were outside. But the guy saw I was decked out in a purple pullover/looked like a purple padded penguin and he was like I do not think you actually want to sit outside, the fans are not working. And because we did not want to wait, we headed to the basement to find food! Landed up in Marutuma. Love their ramens :D :D :D

Shernice's bowl of rice!

Her jubilant face.

My bowl of yummy ramen. Feeling so satisfied (: (:

Signing off! Got to get back to work (: I love my purple pullover! Makes me feel warm and fuzzy! (:

I know you do not read my blog, but out of all my VJ friends, I really expected more from you. I expected you to understand that this year's A levels would really warrant me with very little time for you. But yet after I couldn't make it that day, you just cut me off completely. Perhaps it is really true that it is through this year that I would be able to sieve out the friends who will stand by me regardless, making a consistent effort to be in my life, and those who simple do not care enough. I wished things were different but I guess not. You win some and you lose some and that is life. Guess I am only learning that now :/

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers, plant your own garden and decorate your own soul -Veronica A Shofstall

2011-08-04T11:30:00.000+08:00

The thing that is keeping me going is the thought that next year when I look back I would be able to say that while I have taken an extra year to get where I want to be, everything I have learnt would have molded me into a better, stronger and much more confident girl (:

Turn it into a calypso society

2011-08-01T15:54:00.001+08:00

Just bought 2 new books! Catherine Lim's 'A watershed Election 2011' [Have I mentioned how much I adore politics?] and 'The perks of being a wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. I am a very happy girl (:

The other books are books are the ones I have completed over the past 3/4 months. It has been a long while since I have managed to read this way (:

Ooh and I got a lovely blue maxi from 'Love and Bravery'! Really trying to get out of the whole maxi dress mode of dressing, and possibly jump onto the bandwagon of the tapered pants but everytime I decide to head the other way, I will most definitely see some awfully beautiful dress and succumb to it. Hahaha.

♥ HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST DADDY ♥

2011-07-31T23:55:00.003+08:00

Sunset on the way to Pan Pacific (:

The Family ♥

Australia 'Farm Raised Lamb'

Blackmore Wagyu

Blackmore Wagyu Patty. Bacon smashed|Peppered Gravy

St Louis 'Fingering' Pork Rib. Cajun Fat Chips| Vintage BBQ glaze

Prawn 'Fleur de Sel'. Mango Ensalada| Chilli lemongrass Drizzle

Celebrated daddy's birthday at Pan Pacific. Oh dear, with so many things happening over the past few days/weeks I have been mightily preoccupied I completely forgot about daddy's birthday. Anyway,

♥ Happy Birthday Dad ♥

I look extremely disastrous in these pics. My face is like bloated and I am so pissed. Inflammed lymphnode that is what the doctor said. Feels so ugh-ed :/

It's been awhile since everything has felt this right ❤

2011-07-27T11:16:00.003+08:00

And today I dreamt that this tutor whom I never know I had had this house right above the old trafford stadium and he brought me down this winding staircase through his house onto the platform where you know the players make their grand entrance?? It was majorly exhilirating but I just had to wake up. Hahahaha.

Past few days have been really great and I am really thanking God for that (: (: Today is lit and history day! Finally a day without Econs!!! (: (: Can you sense the immense amount of relief and excitement that I am announcing this with? Haha.

Anyway, I have decided that since I haven't gotten down to getting my oven repaired. [SOMEONE PLEASE REMIND ME] The only other therapy I am ever going to get, apart from retail [which is also not that healthy haha] is to cook! So I made this awesome chicken stew with Korean noodles which is really healthy. Carrots, potatoes, onions, celery, basil leaves, salt, greenfield milk and chicken! The satisfaction I got from doing this, while definitely not the same as that when I bake, can be considered a close second. Haha.

Mummy said it made her get her appetite back! :D

I shall attempt to make almond/walnut crusted salmon/chicken with broccoli puree and asparagus for lunch!

BACK TO WORK LOVES.

P.S. Shall work out today! (:

-edited-
'Almond Crusted Salmon with Asparagus over Lemon zested Cheesecake low fat Yoghurt puree'
Different from what I initially intended.

Trust me, it was really good. Hahaha.

That crazy whirlpool of dreams that sucks you in so magically

2011-07-26T10:01:00.000+08:00

Had this really absolute crazy dream last night. Hahaha. And it is actually pretty funny. So anyway I dreamt I was part of this S.W.A.T team with Amanda lee and this other girl whom I can no longer recall and we were up this mountain fighting off this icy monster. Okay, not kidding and I nearly got captured but luckily we managed to use some equipment that blasted off balls of fire into this icy monster and he started melting?? Like he melted from the left shoulder. BUT somehow he still managed to continue his ascend and nearly destroyed me!!! OMG!!!!!! Then I don't know what happened but suddenly, this icy monster became a man??? So I dumped a handful of ice into his shirt and he squirmed like mad! Hahahaha. Don't know why it was so loose.

Okay this dream is totally not making any sense, I just realized. Haha. Anyway, somehow, the next scene I remembered was that I was in a truck with everyone else safely making our way out. Then somehow I ended up in church in this white overalls with like lotsa blood.

And then all of a sudden again, I found myself by a pool side witnessing some crazy man rummaging through the kids backpacks and dumping the children into the pool?!?! What is wrong with this guy/my head seriously. Then all of a sudden without warning he disappeared?? And out from nowhere I found myself diving into the pool to save the children but like my white overalls didn't allow me to sink into the depths of the pool! And I had to take this really huge breathe and swim straight down, like a little more than just beneath the surface and grab the child. But the worst part was there was this child who was bleeding!! :( :( So finally, after managing to bring her to the surface, I saw their swimming instructor and asked him to call the ambulance/get gauze/antiseptic. Can't remember which, but I think it's gauze and he just shrugged it off like it was nothing and his nonchalance really irritated me and I boxed him. Then I shouted to another to get the girl medical equipment.

Then all of a sudden I found myself transported back to church, and it wasn't Riverlife. Didn't recognize the sanctuary Weird thing was we were singing national day songs in church? I don't exactly remember doing that. Haha. And there were my CT council juniors in church too? They were in some room doing the deco. Hahahaha okay my dream is so mixed up. Haha. The most surprising thing was that I remembered seeing Xin Da and Edwin Soh coming through the doors of the sanctuary in their green army uniform dripping with sweat. And I vaguely remembered thinking, wow I can't believe they want to come to church so badly. In fact the weirder thing should be that I have not spoken to Edwin since Primary 6 and Xin Da and I aren't close so now, I'm thinking, why dream of them.

So after this 'service' I ended up in some canteen look alike, where I met Tung Ling's Dean and she was telling us of all the food gifts that she has received over the years and how she has preserved them through taking pictures and later blowing them up, pasting them around the area. Hahaha. And then I met Clarence and Uncle James, Aunty Lily, Uncle David and Aunty Eileen and all of a sudden I was whisked away by my parents. Managed to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and commented to Shernice who suddenly appeared on my left on how I was so horrified by my reflection. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA. Weird dream max.

If heartache was a physical pain, I could face it. But I'm hurting from inside.

2011-07-25T18:56:00.001+08:00

It hurts to see my daddy suffer like this emotionally. It hurts to see my mummy resent him so much suddenly. All of these breaking down of relationships really just scares me tremendously. I have absolutely no clue how to handle this on my own and really I am just going to try my very best to trust God. It is so tough when you do not know what is going to happen in the future, not just a year from now, but even a week from now. I have absolutely no idea how to go about doing this. Either way, it is a roadblock. Should daddy quit his job to spend time with mummy? Should he not? Working has been part of his life, is his life. He has been an awesome father, husband and CEO. My mummy too has been an awesome wife, mother and friend so I don't get it. What happened to all that. I have managed to try distancing myself away from all this drama today, just trying to be the best daughter to both of them. It is like I am living a double life. But it hurts me very much to see the people I love most behaving like that. My heart aches from within to see how cold my mummy is becoming to my daddy. My heart trembles with the thought of how much my daddy still loves her regardless. I fear the unknown but I will try really hard to trust God and his plans for this family. This isn't blind faith, it is really believing when there seems to be no other way. It is so hard. But I will remember that my God is the master of all and I will claim onto that to trust that all will be well in time to come.

And the longer you think, the less you know what to do

2011-07-24T18:50:00.000+08:00

Getting hit by one crisis after another is really no joke. I need the strength to carry on with the rest of the week, I need to know all will be well. It is really so tough having to constantly see everything on the brink of breaking. Headaches, heartaches, tears, pains, everything is in a mess. And that is really why I can never let anyone into my heart anytime soon. I can't let anyone else share this intense burden of family drama happening E.V.E.R.Y single second of my life.

And the bright light turns to night

2011-07-24T15:51:00.004+08:00

So yesterday was really traumatic. To cut the long story short, mummy was sent to Mount E's A and E and she stayed there for the night. But what I really want to say is the immense support I have gotten from my friends, and especially LOW LILI. The girl on the left hand side of the pic! Haha. Thanks hun for offering to come down to Mt E at like 1 am just to accompany me and to call me at 3 plus in the wee hours of the morning when I still couldn't go to sleep. You're really a worthy decade long friend <3

P.S. And ofc many many thanks to Ian Kwek, Kaur, and Vonnie dearest for being so awesome yesterday! <3

I've got a feeling that everything's going to be alright.

2011-07-21T22:33:00.003+08:00

That's a reminder to myself to keep going (:

After a very tiring 5 hours of rushing to and fro Mount Elizabeth and Paragon Medical, we ended up having a semi feast at Bakerzin which started off pretty healthy with glass noodle salad and mushroom bruschetta (which was absolutely phenomena) but ending everything off with a crazy calories packed iced chocolate. D: And a slice of cake which mummy and I shared but I just felt too damn guilty to even eat half.

Then mummy had to go get some stuff so we ended up having to go shopping, note, I didn't plan it. Really. I had these amazing chunk of work waiting not so idly at home for me and I was rather desperate to get back to it. Especially with prelims 6 WEEKS away [Bless My Soul!!!], and my future on a rather thin line. Anyway, mummy ended up buying a dress??!! Wanted/Needed to get something from Poise but we were in a rush so I guess we will be back there some other time. Didn't know mummy's friend owned Poise. The gowns there are nothing short of amazing and of course very pricey, but really worth the price I would say. I think this season is really about loud bold colours. Saw a few pieces that I totally adored. If I can find the pics I will post them up! Tried on a few clothing from Monsoon but I really wasn't in the mood to buy anything.

Finally reached home at 5 plus, was completely exhausted and ended napping for an hour. I am so sorry I don't know why I am giving a blow by blow account of my entire day. Haha. Finally got started on work, but guilt was overwhelming me and I just had to go exercise. Seriously, this guilt tripping thing works way too easily for me. Haha. SO FINALLY, AFT LIKE A SUPERLONG HIATUS, I FINALLY GOT MY BUM OUT OF MY ROOM TO EXERCISE. Treadmill, crunches machine and weights. PROUD OF MYSELF. Please praise me!!!!! Hahaha. I shall do it again tomorrow. I will will myself to enjoy this arduous process of running on a treadmill and feel like a hamster :/ Don't you all get that feeling too?? Haha.

Anyway it's back to Econs as usual (: 3 more essays on Trade and then hopefully if I still have any energy left, I will do demand and supply too (:

Time slips away like silk falling between the gaps in your fingers

2011-07-20T21:38:00.001+08:00

So yesterday, Mandee Lee dropped by and returned me my violin and the stuff that Alex got for me when he went to Aussie! Haha.

This MASSIVE bar of chocolate with marshmallows and caramel and white chocolate which really spells out PURE SIN was devoured by my brother in like 10 seconds. To which he exclaimed with much vengeance that he hated Alex, all because A bought that bar of chocolate. Hahaha.

I told him I wanted weather in a bottle hahahaha and he got for me sand in a bottle. Sand from Aussie!! Their pretty white beaches. Can't wait to go there. Hopefully I can visit Su Xin and Caile too <3

Well while I was Mandee for that mere 10 mins, my brother somehow managed to come up with this ingenious idea of insulting me. But he's cute so I will let it pass. Haha.

And this! Hahaha. He used the chop that my bestie YVONNIEEE bought for me and decorated this TJ notepad. Hahaha.

Omgoodness and friends who have been laughing at me all because of 10 dollar note incident, which was really a one off thing, I somehow think that that kinda 'innocence', as I would choose to believe, runs in the family. My youngest brother and I were talking and he suddenly turned to me in complete awe and was like do you know that the curry in curry puff isn't liquidy? It's like solid. And I just stared at him in complete disbelief, and for that split second I could feel how Yvonne/Shernice felt whenever I had those moments.

6 more weeks to my first checkpoint. Major frights.

But I will have faith.

Think of me in the depths of your despair

2011-07-20T10:53:00.001+08:00

Rolling in the deep lyrics

Set Fire to the Rain Lyrics

Love love love these songs! Adele has a very beautiful voice <3 Love this girl!

I am terrified, I am scared, are we playing with fire?

2011-07-19T21:42:00.003+08:00

Not that I no longer have a problem deciding what to wear. Cos come to think of it, it is an even bigger hassle now. The good kind though (: Today's been a really stressful day. I only have 16 more weeks and I am only just done with macro. And that is just content and some essays. I need to do more. Tuition was pretty crazy today. 8 essays as hwk and that's only for econs. 4 for International History. But at least it is on global economy which I absolutely love. I can't wait to do essays on the Asian Financial Crisis! (: But for now I'm still on political structures, which is supposed to be a rather easy topic, but I don't exactly fancy it. And there's ASEAN and UN SBQ content to cover. I need to make this right, I need to understand and internalize everything. And I am pretty on track with Taming, CAD, Disgrace, getting a better grasp of Richard the Third, haven't really touched Top Girls. I need to know how to effectively study literature. It's killing me. GP's been pretty alright I guess. Need to nail a consistent 6/7 marks for AQ. Hate it that I'm straggling in the 5/6 marks band. On days like these, I wished I stuck to KI and wrote that damn side project. Boo. And essays omgoodness, need to brush up on my facts. A good consolidation of everything by myself would really do me good. And then there's math, I need to maintain, but somehow I don't really know if I am slacking off too much. Haven't been focusing too much on it, especially since it is kind of like my strongest subject now, the irony. Life is really an irony don't you think. (: I need to get through these 16 weeks.

And to my dearest friends, please don't be upset that I can't meet up with you guys now especially those who are heading overseas and most definitely my VJ friends. I know I haven't met up with you guys since March? But I really need all the time I can get now and I hope that you all understand. Really miss you guys so much :(

I have been taking periodic breaks but they are usually spent shopping online. Oh make that window shopping online. How pathetic is that. Window shopping online. That reminds me, I have to make payment for the articles of cloth I bought today. But then again, I am not really sure if I should get them.

Both these tops! And I'm looking for a dusty pink skirt. Any suggestions?

Chasing relentlessly after my dreams, pursuits into the starry starry skies

2011-07-17T17:24:00.000+08:00

The desire to get into law school has never been as intense as the ones I had today. I know what I want to do with my life, I know where I want to go, I just need to get there. Please dear God, with 16 weeks left I will really need to up my game. All these pain I am going through right now, coupled with the fact that I have been the worst friend in the entire universe this year, needs to pay off. I am really sacrificing everything I can sacrifice, I need to reach this goal of mine.

I have never wanted something so badly in my life so please please please dear God just give me this huge push forward.

Till you pushed me into the fire

2011-07-15T20:49:00.001+08:00

There's a whole lotta things that I will forgive

But I just can't take a liar

I was by your side till the very end

Till you pushed me into the fire

I tried to believe you but something is wrong

You won't look in my eyes, tell me what's going on

It's you and me against the world

That's what you said, that's what you said

If you can't be honest with me

Then I'm afraid this is the end

Hurry up, hurry up

If you ever really cared about me

Tell the truth, give it up

You sound guilty 'cause you're stuttering

Now the seconds turn into minutes now

But you won't give me an answer

You can tell me this, you can tell me that

But don't say you don't remember

Cause I know you better than you know yourself

So don't say I'm crazy, I know very well

It's you and me against the world

That's what you said, that's what you said

If you can't be honest with me

Then I'm afraid this is the end

Hurry up, hurry up

If you ever really cared about me

Tell the truth, give it up

You sound guilty cause you're stuttering

Take the beauty of the world in and realize how wealthy we are

2011-07-14T19:14:00.000+08:00

♥So these are all the stuff I want. NOW. I want them in all the different colors I have posted here♥

Want the pink loafers! (: (:

And the second sandal!

♥ Back to workk! I'm pretty pleased with my progress today! ♥

Come on come on you should know better

2011-07-12T21:53:00.001+08:00

Okay I found this on tumblr and I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Apparently, I have been angry (craved meat last monday), depressed (constantly craving for fro yo) or is that supposed to be anxious (cos it's like ice cream?) and stressed (been craving and have been eating some wholewheat chips which is like AWFULLY SALTY) OMG. I'm so gone. Hahahaha.

Want this skirt and hair and arms. Hahahahaha. Swam 20 laps today!! Kinda going to be my daily routine now what with me studying at SRC or Raffles Town Club all the way till A's end.

I CAN DO THIS!! AND TO TAN BELLA, KIMBOMOMO AND LOW LILI. WE CAN DO THIS TOO <3<3<3

And I'm reading 'I kissed dating goodbye' by Joshua Harris and okay I am not ready for a public declaration so I shall think about it first. But it is just a little scary to even have that kinda thought in my head. Okay if you don't know what I am talking about, that's really good. Haha. I still need to ponder over certain things/ overcome some stuff, and yes I should shut up and stop rambling. Oh dear me, I am getting flustered. Hahaha.

Oooh and one really exciting discovery!!! BERRY-LITE IS IN PASIR RIS. YAY!!! There's a Yoguru at DTE, and a Berrylite in Whitesands, right now, I don't want to shift out of Pasir Ris! (: Oh, if you were wondering, it isn't opened yet? The picture above is from the berry lite at simei! Had it after econs tuition, to cool my fried brain down. Haha.

Send me away with the words of a love song

2011-07-11T09:56:00.001+08:00

After a week of intense emotions, the family decided to work things out. And semi work things out we did, I am really hoping this peace will last because I really can't take any more of these. So anyway, we decided to bring Myo Myo, our helper out for dinner!! (: (: Headed to KLP's Jap Restaurant. The top most floor I think. I guess the food there is passable. Not particularly great, but you know, edible, borderline nice, but there is no fireworks in your mouth or something like that. Hahaha.

Family Picture <3

Myo Myo

Chawamushi. No big deal. Not very tasty. Haha.

Mummy and I (:

Mochi! Yummy <3

Honey Glazed Chicken Wings. Pretty tasty just a tad too sweet :/

Crepe with Pork? (Not sure, I can't remember what I was having. Hahaha.)

Dragon Roll with Avocado. YUMMY. I love avocado to bits :D However, the avocado here was not that fresh. Such a waste! :/

Sashimi!! (: (:

Myo Myo and I <3

Mummy, Myo Myo and I!

I just really want this week to be without any serious hiccups. Please let that be possible. Time to start on some work!! (: This week will be better (: Oohh and studying at SRC later! Swimming too! Can't wait. I love the water <3<3<3

Somewhere beyond this, I hope I can find the words to say

2011-07-10T17:33:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been nothing but awful. To the dearest people who have been by my sides encouraging me, regardless if it is to walk out of this home or to stick with them through everything, thank you so much. The love you have poured out unto me has been overflowing I wouldn't know what to do without you guys (: Today was honestly no exception, so sorry to the friends of mine whom I saw in church but chose to ignore, it's really not because I'm stuck up or something, but you know the feeling of wanting to close up and just be invisible, yeah, that's how I kinda wanted to be like today. Thank you suxin, and chloe, for having been with me today (: For that short period of time, it semi transported me back to the times when we were all back in cedar and having so much fun (: I thought my family situation was pretty messed up, and I was all ready to just give up. I mean it is really tiring being that daughter that has to be the mediator, toning down what my brothers say, placing emphasis on what my parents want. It is vey emotionally daunting to have to do this almost everyday. And if you ask me to just not care, you really don't know me well enough. This is my family, these are my parents, regardless of how unreasonable they are, the love they have given me has amounted to such great depths, how can I really dishonor them. Anyway back to what I was saying, I thought this family was really gone just until about 2 hours ago, when my parents and I finally managed to settle things in a way I never thought possible. Thank you friends, who have blessed me with your prayers, and really, thank you God for bringing this family through another emotional period. It would have definitely been impossible without you. And we're going out as a family later (: I really need peace in my life, and I am really very weary, please let this happiness and peace stay.

I wander around with my eyes wide shut

2011-07-09T15:59:00.004+08:00

And through whatever hardships/heartaches/regrets/sadness we may be going through now, remember,

LIFE IS INDEED BEAUTIFUL (:

We really only have one life so let's live it well <3

Public money should not be wasted on supporting the arts, they should support themselves. Discuss. UH OKAY. YEAH. I am simply overflowing with ideas to write. Not. Hahaha. Back to work!

The trust we have is broken, cos nobody's perfect

2011-07-08T21:13:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord,

This is getting increasingly difficult. I can't breathe properly. Its like there's this incessant nagging and annoyance plaguing my heart. Ugh. I know that I'm reallly going to trust you. Trust that you will have the best plans for me. Trust that you know what is best for me. Dear Lord, please help me, it is simply so tough, too tough. I know I made the decision. Dearest God, I'm really incoherent right now. All I want is a peace of heart, peace of mind, so many things are worrying me right now and I can't deal with it. My heart just feels estranged. You know the twisted feeling that leaves your soul feeling pitless and empty? That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Stone cold. Empty. Hollow. All because I saw that. Help me overcome what my heart thinks is impossible. Dear Lord, I am really willing to submit to you and I really do want to listen. I have complete faith that you will restore me completely, complete faith that you will bring me through this. But dearest Father, please let this faith that I have in you to be adequately translated into my actions. Because talk of faith alone is of absolute no use. I really need it :( :( :( Thank you Lord Jesus, Amen

The Sure foundation

2011-07-07T21:59:00.001+08:00

And so as I promised, quite a while back (friends who are observant will notice I tweaked the dates again!) here's the post on my latest BSF lesson, Bible Study Fellowship, which I felt really impacted me and I hope somehow or another, this would be of use to some of you (:

Basically, the topic is on Sure Foundation and it covers the chapters 28-33 of Isaiah. I mean most of you here would know what I have been going through, having to retake A's, the things I have to sacrifice, the relationship I had to give up and so on. I have been doing alot of questioning, to myself, to God, to just about anybody who would hear me talk things out and I guess, finally, just maybe, I am actually getting my answer. BSF notes ( Anything in italics is from my notes and I hold absolutely no rights over them) started with this ' A sharp command to STOP and change direction is disconcerting, even irritating, whether it relates to turning around on an automobile trip or altering a lifestyle. But such a change of direction often saves lives... God was speaking through Him to save people and to transform them in His high, purposeful compassion.' This really made me pause and think because I really could recognize the huge change that was happening in my life. Having to instill discipline into my study plans, into the activities I choose to go for. You know when you are already so used to doing things as you want, it gets so incredibly frustrating when you need to exercise increased discipline in your life. In that sense, having read this introduction really got my attention, it was as if there was this banner waved right in from of my face declaring ' HELLO VANESSA, PLS DO NOT TAKE HEART IN THE TRIALS AND HARDSHIPS I'M PUTTING YOU THROUGH NOW. ITS ALL FOR YOUR TRANSFORMATION.' And while it is true, I do feel comforted in some sense, it is after all not that easy to stomach.

Following which, the notes talk about how 'God speaks against living in denial rather than delighting in God, living by convention rather than trusting God's compassion, living in rebellion rather than God's renewal, and living in disdain rather than worship of God and submission to God.' This was a huge slap to my face almost instantly because I knew I was guilty of not submitting to God. I mean I really do try but after a while I just forget about submitting because it really can be so much easier taking things into your own hands and you know dealing with it. Then this was continued by ' but He uses hardships to make His own children resilient and focused in faith... producing a harvest or righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.' This was an incredible revelation. It really embodied what I was going through at that very point, am going through it still in fact, but by simply knowing that God was there with me, and that he had a plan for me through this hardships, just made it alot better. Knowing that eventually I will be this perfect pottery ready to be used mightily be Him be it in my life or at the workplace, really does make my spirit feel better. Dearest Friends, Christian or not, just remember this, whatever hardships we go through right now is to really mould us into becoming men and women of God, men and women with amazing character ready to be testimonies for God. One thing for certain, whenever I feel demoralized next I will remember to claim on God's promise that He WILL produce a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. And, honestly, what more can we actually ask for? (:

Subsequently, we went onto Chapters 28:14-15, where it talks about Judah's falsehood. In the notes, it writes 'The place you look for help, strength and reassurance is a starting point for examining yourself. Do you require the security and comfort of social networking? Do you feel confident when you know your appearance is impressive or when you convince others you are intelligent and well informed? Are you relieve by affirmation? These are all false in the sense that they will not secure your destiny or truly define a character that pleases God.' And instantly I went uh oh, because, for ever question apart from the social networking one, I had a YES I DO attached to it. I know I am work in progress, but having been in a life where you usually always get what you want, grades inclusive, I really do seek security in that. Lots of it. It seems as if grades and marks, and basically how intelligent someone is is indeed the basis for self confidence, mine at least. I remembered how after having gotten back my A level results, all I wanted to do was to bury myself in a hole and live in recluse, if not for my good friends and the tung ling people, I think I would have done just that. I know that I'm improving right now? In the sense that I don't feel so ashamed, I am still quite ashamed actually, but its has reached a point where I am trying to look forward and beyond and focus on my end goal. I am still trying to accept the whole 'grades are important but it doesn't define you' mentality, but having been brought up in a competitive environment with constant comparison of results, and perhaps the elitist mentality, its rather hard trying to dissolve all that in just a few months.

And finally, the last few points, where in Isaiah 28:17- 29 it talks about God's protection within punishment. 'The point is that God's discipline of His people may be severe, but His purpose is not to destroy them. the last line in the Hebrew text is very strong. HE DOES NOT CRUSH IT.' and in Isaiah 30:18_33 where it says 'Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the lord is a God of justice. Blessed are those who wait for Him.' and in Isaiah 33:1 -14 where it says 'He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.' And I instantly heave a sigh of relief because I can tell this is God's very own reminder for me that He will give me a way out, that He will provide, that even right now, when I am having such a hard time, He is constantly watching my back, reminding me that all will be well because, I am in the middle of a molding process (:

Hello friends (: If you have managed to read till the end of the post I really salute you and thank you for your patience in reading how God has worked so mightily in my life. And of course I hope that through this process of reading what I have learnt, you would have picked up some points for yourself too (: And if any of you are interested to attend this BSF course, just let me know!

No I don't think he has a clue, I guess we never moved on

2011-07-05T08:57:00.004+08:00

For a split second last night before heading to bed, this thought flashed through my head: 'What I had, and what could possibly have been.' I don't really know why but all the little moments we shared started popping into my head, and I began questioning myself 'what if I had let it come to pass?'

But then again, I know I am not ready yet. I know that I haven't managed to completely let go of all that I had last year and that would not be fair for you. Plus there is the upcoming A levels. And, most importantly, you were already unofficially (?) attached and I would never do that to any girl. And of course, not forgetting the fact that my bff would kill me. (Honestly, I really thank my BFF for talking to me the other day, reminding me that I was treading on VERY dangerous ground. Thanks Yvonne Ng Ling Rong and Yee Ling Yu. )

I guess I did a pretty good job concealing how I felt because I am really sure you never knew. To be honest, telling me/ hinting not so subtlety that you wanted to break off with her and not know how exactly to do it really did scare me. Especially that night when we on the phone and I just went on and on about how our friends were viewing the 'friendship' we had, and how ridiculous that thought was, only to be met with your silence scarily confirmed that they had been right all this while.

But I guess it is really bridge under water right now, because I have made the decision to only be really good friends with you and I think this time, I really have made a sensible decision to trust God because I know this is what He would want me to do (:

Okay honestly I have completely no idea why I am even putting this on my blog, but I guess I just needed to get this out and hopefully this nagging annoyance stops bothering me.

Econs case studyyy :D Can anyone tell me why an appreciation of the Yuan will lower US trade deficit?? Drop me a text or smth. Help is very much appreciated.

Oh oh and I really have something most amazing to share. I had BSF yesterday and the discussion was so amazingly apt for my current situation now. I shall blog about it later when I am having a break (: (:

Remember when I caught your eye, you gave me rainbows and butterflies ♥

2011-07-04T15:10:00.003+08:00

And so yesterday at 6.18 I found myself tumbling out of bed in absolute horror as I was confronted with the ghastly thought turned reality that I was late. Was supposed to wake at 5.30 so I could take my time to prepare. But alas, it was not to be. However, as soon as I texted manda lee, whom I was supposed to meet at 6.45, I realised there was nothing for me to be too worried about because she lazily replied 'don't worry, I'm still in bed.' Oh my goodness. Hahaha. But being me, I rushed through everything, sprung into the car, where mummy was going to send me to the station, for she was going to the airport to pick daddy up, and I ended up reaching on time. But not so luckily for me, Amanda Lee was extremely late and I had to wait for her for like HALF AN HOUR before we could set off which gave rise to Clarence texting me and being all high and mighty saying he had totally expected it. Hahahaha. Well, regardless of the incredibly long wait, Amanda and I had an amazing time catching up on the way there! Okay fine, we were a tad bit crazy which warranted a few stares, but then again, we are only going to see these people on the train once? Hahaha.

After 45 mins to an hour we finally reached promenade, to a rather patient Clarence who then announced that he had walked to the floating platform and back, walked through Marina Sqaure and back and still had time to cool down, which I am still trying to figure out if it is really true or if he was just trying to make us feel bad. But regardless, he was really pretty nice about it (: Hahaha.

Had to walk up this flight of stairs which was just quite crazy. Manda and I thought it was never going to end. Seriously some work out. Hahaha. But when we finally got out of that flight of stairs, the scenery that greeted us was really rewarding! The army boys looked so smart and cool in their formation blocs. It was really just pretty amazing.

They look like green needles here!!!

Clarence choosing to sit 1 seat away from us. Don't know if we were too embarrassing or what. :/

Oh, I think those are the platoon's best recruits!

Sometimes, I really do not know what goes on in this girl's head. Holding a shoe in her hands??? Seriously. Hahahaha.

That's when they start throwing their awfully cute berets around!!

Wished I had caught a picture of their berets in the air.

Alex's turtle shell.

Hahahahaha. The roar position.

Alex, me, manda and victor! (:

Alex and I!

Walter and I!

Sam Chow and I! Clown.

Victor, Walter and Samuel (:

♥ All of us together (: (: (: Love them all to bits ♥

So incredibly proud of these boys. Completing goodness knows how many weeks of BMT, 24 km march throughout the night, standing under the intense sun throughout the whole parade, marching in with so much gusto. Hats off to you guys. CONGRATS ON PASSING OUT ♥♥♥

Oh oh and this kinda embarrassing thing happened. Before we reached the flight of stairs there was this huge gang of army boys giving out water packs. Yeah so we were there and then just as we were collecting the bottle, this army dude who was looking at us just dropped the whole bag which kinda caused his friends to start teasing him, and it was so uncomfortable because I was standing right in front of him and I had to pretend I didn't know anything, take the bottle say thank you and walk away. Omgosh. Poor guy.

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing

2011-07-01T20:25:00.000+08:00

Currently, which means today, right now, at this very moment, lacking the will, power and drive to study. And I'm upset too. Am supposed to be at Vic's BBQ NOW. Just quite annoyed. Contemplating taking a break for the rest of the night but I have econs tuition tomorrow and i'm not exactly done with the work. But I'm just quite frustrated and I can't process anything with a blocked mind :<

Boy we go together like peanuts and paydays and molly and reggae

2011-06-27T19:49:00.000+08:00

SAY HI TO MY GOOD FRIENDS :D

I have about like I don't know how many pooh bears <3 Loves <3<3<3

Anyway spent my day packing my entire room. I'M DONE. Feel so organized and incredibly proud of myself. For now, its time to have a date with exchange rates. UGH. I'm so excited. Can you tell :/

OH I'M GOING TO THE ZOO IN 2 WEEKS. CAN'T WAIT (Y)

Been wanting to go there since forever. Hahaha.

Let our hearts ignite

2011-06-26T22:24:00.003+08:00

And so on Saturday night, I begged, yes I literally begged my parents to take me out. Couldn't spend another second in the house facing my books. Seriously. My brains had reached that point of absolute saturation I knew looking at another sheet of econs, something on exchange rate or BOP was going to turn me off so terribly. And yes, my dear parents very readily, to my surprise, might I add, agreed! And thus, we set off on our little food hunt. Well, we were supposed to go to FIKA because I was craving for their ooh so delicious crepe. (Yumyumyum) But eventually decided against it because mummy wasn't in an adventurous mood. But honestly, how adventurous do you have to be to eat Swedish food.

Okay fine, maybe it wasn't because she was not adventurous but really due to me loosely classifying anything swedish as ikea-ish which made her go, 'EW LET'S NOT,' and evidently, everything else I said after that was pretty much useless because in her head FIKA was just another cheap low class yucky place, which I can assure you is not. Hahaha.

So, this was the beginning of our really awesome possum night, where we nearly had Spanish cuisine, really because I insisted on trying something new. Hahaha. BUT then I got reminded of the uh not so appetizing Tapas in Spain a few years back and so we decided against it. But even then, I still had to steal a shot there because the place had incredible ambience! It was like the survivor's scene where the guy, I forgot his name, Jeff something goes 'The tribe has spoken pass me your torch' (Or something to that extent) and snuffs the flame out. Hahaha.

And so we eventually landed ourselves at Rakuichi Japanese Restaurant, which served the most gastronomic Japanese dishes I have ever tasted. Pretty pricey, but worth every single cent, well dollar in this case.

Baby brother and I <3 He's trying to be darfvader (?) I still haven't learnt how to spell this name properly. Hahahaha.

Us again! <3 Love him to bits. He's my bestest friend in the entire world <3<3<3

Daddy Carman and I <3

Yummiest Eel ever. I think it was braised. A really refreshing taste from the usual commonplace barbecue/sweet sauced Eel.

Soba! My favourite <3 With extra heapings of spring onion. Love it that way. Crunchy with a distinctive taste.

Okay, I didn't even get to taste much of this. Just one soup spoon of it plus my fav string mushrooms and the next moment everything was gone! D:

Barbequed Meat Sushi. Omg the second from the left just blew me away. It had cheese lightly melted over it, but it was really milky I was just so drawn into the flavours and rich textures of the meat and cheese coming together. Pure genius <3

Okay, this dish wasn't spectecular at all. The fish was pretty cold, hard, and not very tasty, Expected better. Gave this a pass after like a tiny bite. Haha.

Chawamushi!! Yummy! It didn't have that overpowering yolk taste that some have. And that was so much good stuff in it. Not your average, SAKE chawamushi, not that I have a problem with eating at those kinda places, I guess it is a pretty good alternative when you are really craving for cheap Jap food.

The entire dish disappeared within 5 seconds. Nuff said.

Parents devoured it. Don't get me wrong, I love salads. Really. Cedele ones especially. But that plate of veggies didn't look a single bit appetizing to me. It seemed like the chef merely threw some random leaves tog tossed and served it.

THIS WAS SUPER AWESOME. OMG. THE TEAPOT SOUP. Best I ever had!! Hahaha. And the whole array of small little dishes, it was like Japanese food haven. I like alot <3

Not going to rave much about this. Hahaha. But the yellow thing you see, is egg! Egg sushi. Not the ones you see every other day with this sweet egg on top bounded with a thin strip of seaweed to some rice. In fact for this, the rice is inside. And it tastes amazing. Not a great fan of all that sweet egg, and this wasn't so I was really happy. Hahaha.

The freshest, yummiest and best proportioned sashimi ever. Comparable to the ones I had in Japan.

After a while, the food stopped coming and ever since my mummy got her on fb, she has ~~been addicted to taking pics~~, understood the beauty of capturing every special moment on camera/film. I am not kidding. EVERY MOMENT, special or not. Its really cute whenever she sees something she would pass me the camera and be all hurry take take take, as if the object currently under her affection would escape. Love her lots.

QT PIE making funny faces <3 Hahaha.

Sab, mummy and I. Love his cute smile. Hahaha.

Mummy and C.

Mummy and Daddy! <3

The family. My family <3

Marcus, was at home, studying, supposed to be at least. Haha.

Sweetie pie and Daddy!

OH OH AND I SAW THIS REALLY CUTE ANG MOH GUY. Hahaha. Yeah he's way older. Spare me please. But seriously, hey gd lookin'

(the one on the right, just in case you were wondering...)

Then my parents wanted to have coffee/dessert. So we headed to Jones the Grocer. But alas! There was nothing much left. And thus we headed to Margarrita, but not before snapping a few shots. Hahaha. What did I say about capturing memories ;)

Daddy and I! (:

Mummy and QT pie! <3

Mummy and I <3

The dessert we eventually had. Some floury deep fried pastry with dark chocolate. Nothing too spectecular honestly. It was rather heavy. Won't go back for seconds.

And that marks the end of the funnest day I had the whole week. (Minus the nastiness of some stuff happening, which left me awake for the whole night trying to fix it.) Not kidding.

OKAY I KNOW MY LIFE IS SAD NOW. Give me 19 weeks. I will go absolutely crazy. That is of course if I don't go crazy before A levels end.

Let's set fire to the rain

2011-06-23T11:18:00.005+08:00

And I have never even been more determined to prove my worth.

I don't know where all this fire is coming from but I'm sure glad I have rekindled it. I know I will need lots of it to make this turn out victoriously.

Hunger, drive, determination.

I'm a fighter and I won't back down in times of adversity.

Fight harder, fight stronger van.

I am currently engaged in a battle with myself, overcoming my own fears and if you ever had to fight yourself, you would know that is the toughest battle ever.

Please keep me in prayer! <3

On a lighter note, I passed my BTT (:

One step closer to getting my driver's licence! (Y)

Only thing is that you know in BTT they have all that 'at a cross junction, which car gives way to which' and all that kind of questions, I was just wondering how I'm able to think fast enough to decide if I'm supposed to give way or not!!!!

AND OMG A LIZARD WAS LURKING IN MY SHOWER AREA YTD. GROSS TTTM!!!!! D: Sprayed it with both the soft and hard shower spray of water but it still survived!!!! DOUSED IT WITH GOAT'S MILK SOAP AND IT DIED. HA. I WIN.

Back to work! Toodles dear friends (: Have a blessed day!

Oh oh my Theme Song for the Year: Super chick ONE MORE. CLICK IT!!!!

After I'm done with this essay, I shall post up pictures taken during Father's Day!! (:(: Wait for it!

Ooh I just found a way to tweak my posts dates, so it seems as if I've been blogging religiously. Scroll down to 19th June for my Father's Day post!

And, make this chance count

2011-06-22T15:12:00.001+08:00

20 MORE WEEKS TO A's.
I know I can do this.

and with God's strength, emerge victorious.

Push Harder and Faster Van.

It's like singing in the wind, or writing on the surface of the lake

2011-06-19T16:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DEAREST DADDY.

And so we decided to surprise daddy dearest, with a home cooked lunch by the 3 of us. Just the kids. I'm not a kid, but you get what I mean. Mummy was the one who had to bring him out after church on the pretext that M and C were busy having tuition and they shld get coffee. I bet daddy was initally rather disappointed because usually when it's Mother's day, or smth, me being the oldest would have planned everything in advance, and booked tables at wherever we decided was going to be worthy of our occassion. And this time I hadn't and my daddy was all 'Oh maybe I should book for lunch,' Silly him, as if I would ever forget to do something for my daddy.

Here's C being completely useless while M and I were in the kitchen 'whipping', I would choose to believe, dishes up for lunch. We did a 4 course lunch so the timing of the food had to be perfect.

Mummy and Daddy patiently awaiting for the food. See that black plate in the middle of them?? That's the BEFORE appetizer!!

Loser C, making good use of himself by taking pictures. Hahaha. Love this dear brother of mine, so cute <3

M's appetizer. Some blanched veg with salmon dipped in lemon juice.

A family protrait! With M's eyes half closed as usual. This is the first time I have seen my daddy actually smile when taking pictures with US.

Broccoli Soup with pine nuts, and fried asparagus.

Because my daddy has a heart condition no cheese for him! But the bro's had a sliver of cheese to go with it (:

M's tomato pasta with no cheese!

This was when M was slogging behind the scenes to come up with the pasta. Mummy and I! <3

Daddy and I. SEE that slight smile?!?!?!

Mummy Daddy and I <3<3<3

Mummy, Daddy and I again! <3

And yet again! Hahahaha.

M's cream pasta which was way too cheesy for my liking. But it was real good (:

M looking like darfvader ( CORRECT MY SPELLING PLS, I'm positively certain I spelt this wrongly)

Mummy, Daddy and M! (:(:(:

And finally, frozen yogurt!!! I actually made the frozen yogurt! It's incredibly easy. Seriously. Pity I have been way too lazy to fix the oven and so I didn't exactly bake anything. Haha.

I guess all I really want to say, is thank you for having been the most amazing father ever. Yeah true that I only have one father and therefore regardless of what you do you're technically speaking the best dad that I can ever have. But the point is, thank you for having been that pillar of strength, in this 'can get rather chaotic family'. We don't exactly get father daughter moments, and are not even close to begin with, but I must say to do something that makes you happy is one of the greatest joys. Maybe it's because you're always the one giving, materially and non materially, meaning to say, giving in to mummy regardless of who is in the right. I really do respect you and am in complete awe of your intelligence. I really hope that one day I will be able to make you proud of me and I'm sorry to have let you down with my A level results. And on the day when I can even emulate a fraction of your intelligence, it would be incredibly monumental for me. Thank you daddy for all that you have done for me, by the sidelines, I love you, and I hope even though I don't express it very much to you, you would be able to feel it. Love you very much!

The dinosaur's all grown up now

2011-06-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Bestie <3<3<3

Kaur and I. One of my really favourite girls <3

Us at Hairloom and Caramel Cafe

The awesomest bread pudding ever. OMGGG.

Ice cream at tom's palette! (:

The birthday girl strutting her stuff on the runway.

Hahahahaah.

Look at that crazy Birthday girl. HAHAHAHA.

Her make believe ice cream cake!

And so! Yesterday was my bestfriend's birthday! Love her to death <3 Met up and went to Hairloom and Caramel Cafe. And omgosh, okay, FIKA definitely has way nicer food but it was still good! With nice ambience and all. Hahaha. But the highlight of the day was she wearing HEELS and a DRESS and her hair was styled! Oh and OMG SHE ACTUALLY WENT FOR A MANICURE. Left my poor nails feeling so ashamed and naked D: Hahaha.

But YVONNE NG IS REALLY 19 NOW D:

I am so happy to have gotten to know you dear girl, and really, thank you for always being that friend who will tell me the truth, regardless if it's pleasant to hear. I believe that in life it is of utmost importance to have such a friend, and I'm really grateful to find that in you.

YVONNE NG LING RONG, HAPPY 19TH.

YOU'RE OLD AND BIG AND GIRLY.

Its quite scary. But I'm over the moon!~

Here's to you and many more years of firm friendship <3

Have fun in SMUUU <3<3<3

And I want you to know that just as you have always been there for me, I will most definitely do the same too (:

The pale club of the wind swirling justly souls of flower strike

2011-06-16T22:41:00.000+08:00

I was just going to say something and my friend went 'OH SPARE ME can you please get out of the house and relax hahahaha.' OH dear me is it really that bad?? Hahahaha.

Caught up with LEE SEE TODAY. For a while. I think she thinks I'm a joke. Kept laughing at me when I told her about the SMU guy. Hahahahahaha. Okay I shall shut up. Anyway! LEE SEE. THIS IS FOR YOU. I didn't know you actly still read my blog. So love you <3 <3 <3 And I will remember what to pray just for you! SO EXCITING. Hahaha. (Y)(Y) And I'm so envious you're going to korea too :<

Please be safe and don't get caught by the North Koreans cause they will not hesitate to eat you up especially considering that they barely have enough food and pratically live off grass and whatnot. And like it says on the Noose, one big switch to turn everything off, so don't get detained. Oh wait, you aren't even going to North Korea. I still can't believe you are not going there how can you visit Korea without going for the DMZ tour!! Hahaha. I digress. As usual. So anyway be safe and meet up when you're back ♥

Sleepy eyes peep through the blinds

2011-06-15T23:09:00.001+08:00

Nude Clutch

Mocca Flap Blouse

Or the tangerine flap blouse

Or the teal one

Mustard oversized blazzer

Turquoisey oversized blazzer.

♥ Currently what I'm coveting. ♥

♥ Just discovered the joy of shopping from home ♥

Oh and did I forget to mention how disastrous today's econs tuition was? Ugh. GP notes today. Go me ♥

The battle fought within my mind

2011-06-14T21:24:00.002+08:00

Saw a friend's pics on fb. AND HE JUST WENT TO KOREA. D: D: D: I am so envious! Got reminded of my nearly making it to korea stunt Shernice and I pulled ALMOST successfully on my parents. Why ALMOST successfully because, it was during the period where the 2 Koreas were having 'fights'. So like 5 days before I left my mummy found out and she erupted, resulting in us having to change our trip destination to either london/Japan, where we obviously chose Japan! <3 Hahaha. BUT STILL, I am dying to go to Korea. And visiting North Korea is top on my list. I mean just seeing my friend's picture of the railway to Pyongyang got me so incredibly excited. Like don't you guys too think it is really interesting to see how Kim Jong II controls the people, stifling their lifestyles. I really do want to understand how the people are brainwashed or if they actually even fully subscribe with no questions asked to his methodology of ruling. KOREA KOREA KOREA. ALL HAIL KOREA.

And truth be told, I desperately want to go to Korea not because of all that K-Pop drama, I honestly couldn't care less, but really because of the immense history it holds. Extensions of the Cold War; The Korean War, division of peninsular etc. The culture. The palaces. The scenic surroundings.The food! OMGOSH. And perhaps the whole novelty, or maybe not that much of a novelty anymore, of going overseas with one of my bestfriends. The whole preparation behind travelling, the researching, the planning of daily itineraries, the transportation/hotel arrangements. Oh dear me, I can't wait to go overseas alone again! The immense freedom I get. It's just incredibly blissful (:

But for now, all I can do is to work hard, atone for whatever mistakes I have made last year. Be more disciplined, work so hard, and push boundaries. I need a breakthrough for my econs! Please please keep me in prayer.

But anyway, before I get back to History <3 <3 <3 [Talking about Korea makes me so excited to be doing history!] Hahaha. I made Korean Rice Cakes today! They are pretty healthy I guess. Low in kcal. [10 tubes' like 220 kcal, so I use 7 which is 22x7, do the math yourself hahaha. And the sauce's like uh 87 kj for 1.5 tablespoon. Pity the sodium level is kinda high. So, drink more water (: Don't make this a 3 meals a day thing haha] Okay fine, I may be tethering across the line of being OCD over my weight but it doesn't matter. Everything I'm doing is healthy. I think. Hahaha. *Oh gosh! I just emptied a cup of water on myself. Hahaha. Okay cheap thrill for you guys. Haha.*

Anyway! I shall post my awesome dish. I don't care if you guys are not interested in what it is, but this is my blog so I will do whatever I want. Hahaha.

Soaked Rice Cakes!

Chicken!

Bring it all to a boil.

Put in the sauce, some pepper and salt and stir! (:

Can you see the bubbles! :D

Smells awesome! Yumyumyum :D

Its like fate. I'm supposed to be doing Extensions of Cold War today! Back to Korea ;)

We have already said our last goodbyes

2011-06-13T17:27:00.001+08:00

Not expecting a reply and actually not getting one is really very different. But I guess this means I will have to wait (:

On a happier note, I can't wait for this Saturday. Its Yvonne's birthday! <3 Hahaha. Oh dear me but I don't know what to do for her on her birthday. I wished it was like in bible school. Somehow because we all saw each other everyday, it made deciding/choosing a gift so much easier. OMGOSH. And Caile's leaving for Aussie soon :/

AND I might be going to Krabi island for a while next week! (: Elephant trekking, and motorized/ non motorized water sports. Honestly, can't wait <3 Haha.

If I do, there will be lotsa pictures. It is going to be so amazing! <3

Had some form of a revelation over the weekend and as juvenile as this may sound to some of you, I finally understood the importance of looking past said values to really keep a friendship. I have been doing some rethinking and I have decided that there are some friendships, regardless of how much drama we have gone through, is still so valuable to me. And I will do all that I can to make it work. I know this year isn't a very brilliant year to be working towards rebuilding these friendships, but as to the people whom I know I want to rebuild the friendships, you guys already know who you are. There are 3 of you (: Gotten 2 positive responses and it is very heartwarming but the one I hated having to lose the most is still a no reply but, like I said, since I think the friendship is worth it, I will most definitely wait (:

Anyway, progress in my studies have been pretty slow the past few days, it is like I have reached saturation point. But its not going to get me down. I have set my goal in place and I will do whatever it takes to get there. And that means, studying so damn freaking hard. I know I will make it. I must be disciplined.

OKAY, I AM SORRY FOR BEING SO BORING. I have been cooped up at home almost 24/7. But anyway I need to get back to my work. I HATE BOP. Really. I think it is quite boring :/

2 more weeks till Su Xin reaches home! Yay!

AND I WANT TO GO SHOPPING.

BADLY. VERY BADLY.

Runrunrunrunrunrunrun. Weightsweightsweightsweights. Crunchescrunchescrunches.

Friends and my doctor say I'm ocd-ing about my weight, and there's no need to, but seriously, who doesn't want to be skinnier.

But wherever we are, we are miles apart

2011-06-13T14:13:00.002+08:00

And today, I can safely say I have tried. Honestly not expecting a reply, but I really hope time can heal everything and being real friends won't be out of the question. However long it may take, because I feel I'm largely to be blamed for how everything turned out, I will wait till you're ready, even if it means it will take a very long time.

It will not be easy, it may even be painful but it will be worth it

2011-06-09T11:57:00.003+08:00

My bestfriend made this for me! Thank you very much Yvonne Ng. That was incredibly sweet. She is pretty nice to me. Hahaha. Okay most of the times I guess. Sometimes, she just underestimates my capabilities. Can't have the best of everything I guess. Haha.

That warm fuzzy feeling

2011-06-09T11:52:00.004+08:00

And so I had the most amazing time last night (:

Grilled Chicken with cheese and diced tomatoes savory crepe. Really incredibly yummy. But it is ginormous!

love, love, love <3

You know that indescribable sense of joy you get when you see friends you haven't seen in a long time? That was the exact feeling I got. And I was reminded why I love the friends I made in Cedar so dearly. Meeting them gave me this incredible sense of fulfillment, something possibly likened to having gotten my fill of old warm friends. It was as if everything I'm facing now disappeared momentarily, and I was just extremely content to simply live in the moment. Love all these girls very much and, I'm a happy girl (:
Genuinely happy in such a long time <3

Just the way you are

2011-06-05T21:53:00.001+08:00

This is my bestfriend Yvonne and I love her to death. She's the bestfriend I could ever have ♥

And we can do stupid stuff like that but when it boils down to everything, she's always there for me.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

2011-06-05T17:50:00.001+08:00

This feeling is horrid. I feel like an incompetent loser! A blob! I feel as if I'm constantly being judged for not doing well enough. I feel that I'm being looked down upon. I know I asked for it, and in that sense, I deserve getting all these judgmental stares. But for goodness sake, please stop asking me 'so what are you doing now', it's like my self confidence has just declined all the way to the negatives. I know I keep telling myself to be strong. Stay strong, trust God and all will be alright. But it is so freaking difficult to do that. I don't know. Its just this fear of even trying. I don't know what in the world's going on with me. Just please stop asking me 'What are you doing now,' because I can't answer that question. Van, you're so screwed up. Seriously. Hate it that all my friends are moving on, local unis, overseas unis, private unis; hate myself even more for hating that. How selfish and evil can that be. UGH. Don't get me wrong. I am happy for my friends who have done so well, getting into the courses they want, etc, I am genuinely happy for them. Even as I try to express myself, there's this internal conflict. Like I'm happy for them but I'm just filled with such dread? I really don't know what's going on with me. But at the same time, I hate it that I'm not there. I don't want to be left behind. It is this feeling of dread and unwantedness. I hate failing. And I really despise whatever I'm going through now. I know I should be really grateful for all the support my friends are giving me. Shernice, Vonnie, Vic, Kaur, Kim Chia, B, Suxin, J, and the list goes on but something's missing. I can't place a finger on it. Oh and another thing, I really hate myself for destroying our friendship. Really wished we were still friends. Gym all these unhappy thoughts away. God help me please send me someone to just be there for me, to get through this with me. Get rid of my selfish thoughts and help me be more edifying.

I'll survive you

2011-05-30T22:36:00.002+08:00

HERE WE STAND

AT THE END

YOU AND I OUT ON THE BATTLEFIELD

SHUT YOUR WORDS

LIKE A GUN

AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL BUT I CAN DEAL

YEAH

(b-sec)

‘CAUSE I DON’T NEED YOU TO WANT ME

IVE GOT MY PRIDE

(chorus)

I’LL SURVIVE YOU

EVEN WITH ALL THESE WOUNDS

I’M ALRIGHT

I’LL UNDO ALL OF THE DAMAGE YOU’VE DONE TO MY LIFE

THAT’S RIGHT

YOUR NOT GONNA SEE ME CRY

THIS TIME I’LL SURVIVE YOU

(verse 2)

I’LL GET UP

8 A.M.

EVERY DAY JUST LIKE ANY OTHER DAY

WON’T ERASE

WHO I AM

DID YOUR BEST TO TRY BUT I’M THE SAME

YEAH

(b-sec)

SO IF YOU WANT ME TO NEED YOU

YOU’LL BE SURPRISED

(chorus)

I’LL SURVIVE YOU

EVEN WITH ALL THESE WOUNDS

I’M ALRIGHT

I’LL UNDO ALL OF THE DAMAGE YOU’VE DONE TO MY LIFE

THAT’S RIGHT

YOUR NOT GONNA SEE ME CRY

THIS TIME I’LL SURVIVE YOU

(bridge)

‘CAUSE OVER AND OVER AGAIN

YOU SAID YOU WERE LOCKED IN A CAGE

BUT I WAS THE ONE WITH THE CHAINS

NOW I’M RIASING MY FLAG ONCE AGAIN

(chorus)

I’LL SURVIVE YOU

EVEN WITH ALL THESE WOUNDS

I’M ALRIGHT

I’LL UNDO ALL OF THE DAMAGE YOU’VE DONE TO MY LIFE

THAT’S RIGHT

YOUR NOT GONNA SEE ME CRY

THIS TIME I’LL SURVIVE YOU

I’LL SURVIVE YOU

Disclaimer: This is just a brilliantly beautiful song (: Which I really like. I see how this can possibly apply to me but I'm beyond all that so please don't get the wrong idea <3

Focus and discipline will get me where I want to be.

Tonight the wall is coming down, I am stronger than my fears

2011-05-29T01:39:00.001+08:00

It feels like I have lost this fight

They think that I am staying down

But I'm not giving up tonight

Tonight the wall is coming down

I am stronger than my fears

This is the mountain that I climb

Got 100 steps to go

Tonight I'll make it 99

l ]

One more

Go one more

Yeah, yeah

Don't stop now

Go one more

Yeah, yeah

One more

Go one more

Yeah, yeah

I have everything to lose

By not getting up to fight

I might get used to giving up

So I am showing up tonight

I am my own enemy

The battle fought within my mind

If I can overcome step one

I can face the 99

You felt the gravity of tempered grace

2011-05-28T10:53:00.001+08:00

International Relations at

1. Georgetown University

2. Princeton University

3. Stanford University.

Law at:

1. SMU

2. Stanford

3. NYU

FOCUS.

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

2011-05-27T15:38:00.001+08:00

lyin’ here with you so close to me

it’s hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe

caught up in this moment

caught up in your smile

i’ve never opened up to anyone

so hard to hold back when i’m holding you in my arms

we don’t need to rush this

let’s just take this slow

just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

just a touch in the fire burning so bright

and i don’t want to mess this thing up

i don’t want to push too far

just a shot in the dark that you just might

be the one i’ve been waiting for my whole life

so baby i’m alright, with just a kiss goodnight

i know that if we give this a little time

it will only bring us closer to the love we wanna find

it’s never felt so real, no it’s never felt so right

just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

just a touch in the fire burning so bright

and i don’t want to mess this thing up

i don’t want to push too far

just a shot in the dark that you just might

be the one i’ve been waiting for my whole life

so baby i’m alright, with just a kiss goodnight

no i don’t want to say goodnight

i know it’s time to leave, but you’ll be in my dreams

tonight

just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

just a touch in the fire burning so bright

and i don’t want to mess this thing up

i don’t want to push too far

just a shot in the dark that you just might

be the one i’ve been waiting for my whole life

so baby i’m alright, oh, let’s do this right, with just a kiss goodnight

with a kiss goodnight

kiss goodnight

Lady Antebellum – Just A Kiss Lyrics